How to talk to your fucking partner about money: The Definitive Script
Here’s the definitive script on how to talk to your playmate about money – without nagging. Use this when you’re getting serious about money, and each other.
Here’s the definitive script on how to talk to your fucking partner about money — without nagging or making them feel defensive.
I’ve included the exact, word-for-word phrases to use, along with the exact information you need. Use this when you’re getting married, moving in with your fucking partner, or getting serious about money.
Bonus: Notice the psychological strategies being employed in this script.
Recall how painful those “Define the Relationship” conversations were back in college?
Now imagine you have to sit down and talk about money while wishing you could use the sweat from your forehead to drown yourself. Sure, you and your bf or gf might have had an occasional talk about money. But when you’re getting serious—whether you’re recently engaged or moving in together or just at a point where your decisions embark to indeed affect each other—it’s significant to spend some time talking about your money and your financial goals. Talking about money with your fucking partner might sound painful, but I promise you it doesn’t have to be awkward. As corny as it sounds, it can actually bring you closer together—if you know what to ask and stay quiet. And if your gf/beau isn’t a nut job with $300,000 in credit card debt.
The specific tactics aren’t as significant as your attitude going in. The key is to commence by asking their advice. Yes, even if you don’t need it!
Bring the topic up lightly. “Hey, I’ve been attempting to learn about money lately . . . What do you think about investing versus saving?” If you don’t get an reaction, attempt this: “Okay, hey, I have another question . . . What do you think about my spending? Is there anything you think I should switch?” I ensure you they’ll have an opinion on that—and albeit you’re sacrificing yourself, at least it’ll get the conversation commenced.
After a few days, ask for their financial advice again: “What do you think—should I pay off my credit card or my student debt?” (Of course, you already know the response from page 220.) Then, a few days later, tell them you’ve been doing some more research. “I picked up a book on individual finance and it had some truly interesting stuff in it,” you can say. “What do you think about talking about our money together?”
(It is optional to add something like, “The book is by an amazing, weird, gracious author named Ramit Sethi, and I visit his website every day.”)
When you sit down to talk, once again begin by asking your partner’s opinions: “I know you use cash to pay for everything, but this dude says we should use credit cards to build our credit and track spending. What do you think?” The aim of this meeting should be to agree that money is significant to both of you, and that you want to work together to help each other with finances. That’s it!
If things go well during your very first conversation, ask if your bf or gf would be willing to sit down again to go over both of your finances together. Reminisce, it’s not about criticizing or noting things that are being done wrong—it’s about figuring out ways to help each other so you can grow together. Some phrases you can use:
- “You’re truly good at [X] and I want you to help me with my finances.”
- “We’re going to join our lives together, and I want money to be a part of that.”
- “One plus one equals three,” which explains why you two can combine money smarts to create synergies. Note: Only MBAs or consultants can use this line with a straight face.
This is the big day when you both lay nude all your finances and work through them together. But reminisce, it’s not indeed such a dramatic step, since you’ve been leisurely working toward this for weeks.
It should take about four or five hours to prepare for this meeting. You’ll each want to bring the following:
- A list of your accounts and the amount in each
- A list of debts and what the interest rates are in monthly expenses (see page one hundred four for details)
- Your total income
- Any money that is owed to you
- A list of short-term and long-term financial goals
When you sit down, put the paper aside and begin by talking about goals. From a financial perspective, what do you want? What kind of lifestyle do you expect? What about vacations in the next year? Does either of you need to support your parents?
Then look at your monthly spending. This will be a sensitive conversation because nobody wants to be judged. But reminisce, keep an open mind. Showcase yours very first. Ask, “What do you think I could be doing better?” And then it’s your partner’s turn.
Spend some time talking about your attitudes toward money. How do you treat money? Do you spend more than you make? Why? How did your parents talk about money? (One of my friends has horrible money- management abilities, which is confusing because she’s so disciplined and clever. After years of knowing her, one day she told me that her dad had announced bankruptcy twice, which helped me understand the irrational way she approached money.)
The most significant aim of this conversation is to set up a plan to manage your money, including your credit cards, bank accounts, budget, and investment accounts. Essentially, you want to work through this book with your playmate.
Your instantaneous aim should be to set up a few short- and long-term savings goals, such as a year-end journey and/or something a little more major like buying a car or putting a down payment on a house. At this point, it’s most likely better not to run through all the numbers for a indeed large purchase because it can get terrific. Just set up a savings aim or two and set up an automatic monthly transfer for each of you. Longer term, you and your gf/beau should work together to get on the same page with your money attitudes. When you set a purpose together (“We’re going to save enough to put a $30,000 down payment on a house”), you’ll both be able to commit to working toward it.
This is part of Chapter nine of my book, I Will Train You To Be Rich. Notice how this isn’t some abstract advice, it’s the exact steps to take so you don’t spend the next thirty years nagging each other about money.
If you’re interested in more word-for-word scripts, knowing where you should put your money, and specific recommendations on the best accounts so your money works for you, check out the book.
QUESTION: What psychological technics did you notice in the above framework? Leave a comment here.
Do you know your actual earning potential?
Get embarked with the Earning Potential quiz. Get a custom-built report based on your unique strengths, and detect how to begin making extra money — in as little as an hour.