7 Things Tinder Trained Me About French Studs
Ooh, he’s kind of lovely. Maybe? No, wait, all his photos are selfies and he has this one on here twice. Never mind.
What about this stud? He’s lovely and he’s got a guitar. We can bond over being musical if nothing else. Going right on this one.
Wow, he’s gorgeous. I’m swiping right just to see if he swiped right on me too.
If you’re on Tinder, you’re most likely familiar with this thought process; this is generally my practice every time I open it. For those who are unacquainted, Tinder is a mobile app for dating. You choose attractive photos of yourself, write a brief biography, and then begin swiping: right on people you want to match with, left on those you don’t. It’s entirely based on physical attraction, and it’s shallow and ridiculous yet amazingly entertaining.
I downloaded the app shortly after arriving in Paris, France. After never finding it appealing back home, I was persuaded by a friend that it would be a good way to make make friends here, as au-pairs are predominantly female.
My friends and I have met many French guys through Tinder, and thus have learned a few things about the dating culture as a result:
1. The French don’t waste time
If a Frenchman wants you, you’ll know it. While many on the app will never initiate conversation or will talk for awhile until one of you determines you’re not interested, the ones who want to see you will ask you out. I’ve met guys in bars as well and once was approached on the metro. However, if they determine they want to meet you in person, they’ll make a budge. If he doesn’t do so within a few days, budge on.
Two. They play it cool
On a few of my dates, I had trouble reading the mind of the man sitting across from me. Some dates seemed like they would love to see me again, and then I never heard from them. Others were rather quiet and aloof and then would make their budge with an unmistakable gesture—either going in for the smooch at the end of the night or asking for a 2nd date right away. Even if it seems like they’re not feeling it, it’s undoubtedly possible that you’ll still end up having the romantic French encounter you’ve always (not-so-secretly) desired. A few of mine include nighttime walks in the rain along the Seine, being kissed on a bridge with the Eiffel Tower behind us, railing around the city on the back of a scooter, and strolling forearm in palm on the love lock bridge. It was all insanely romantic, but I never would have discovered that had I written them off as being disinterested.
Three. You need to discuss expectations
For the French, smooching can indicate the beginning of a relationship. If you’re going out with someone and smooching them, it means you’re in an sensational, monogamous relationship. That is, IF you have established that what you’re both looking for, and often the way that’s established is by not discussing it at all. Not every French dude I’ve kissed has been looking for that, and most of those who weren’t have told me. I always take care to clarify it with them now, however, after shortly dating a dude who was relationship-minded, about which I wasn’t fully aware until drunkenly asking him outside of a bar at four in the morning after we’d been together for a duo of weeks. Yes, it was awkward and could have been avoided had we had the conversation earlier.
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Four. Lovemaking can make or break it
Obviously hookup is an significant factor of any relationship. Sexual compatibility is very significant in French dating culture and will be one of the very first determining factors in whether or not the relationship will work out. Here, if you don’t sleep with someone, they take that to mean that you’re not actually interested in them. Waiting to sleep with someone has the same effect. Wait a bit if you want to make sure he’ll stick around, but don’t wait too long or your Frenchman will assume a lack of compatibility and find someone else.
Five. Pay attention to his friends
One thing I’ve found when dating in Paris is that if he’s even remotely serious about you, you’ll meet his friends early on. On one 2nd date, we went to meet my date’s friends at a bar after dinner. Another time, we got a group of his friends and a group of my friend together for a night out. A French guy’s group of friends are his backbone, and lacking their approval is as much of a dealbreaker as sexual incompatibility.
6. Hookup culture is undoubtedly a thing
Tho’ most of the studs I’ve met have been wonderful, the majority haven’t been looking for a relationship. Additionally, the junior they are, the less likely they are to be looking for something serious. Of course, this isn’t to say that good relationships can’t be found via Tinder, in fact, I have several friends who are in serious relationships with French guys they met on Tinder. If you’re there temporarily or to examine abroad you can certainly have a wonderful, tornado romance with a Frenchman, however, reminisce to manage your expectations and just know what you’re getting yourself into.
7. Know that communication is vital
The problems I have encountered have mainly stemmed from a lack of openness inbetween me and my fucking partner. Some French guys I’ve dated have never been to the States and don’t understand American culture enough to understand where I’m coming from. When dating cross-culturally, not only do you have to get used to the norms of a fresh dating culture, but your fucking partner must also adapt to the fact that they are dating a woman who has been raised to ascribe to a entire different set. Misunderstandings are trussed to happen. This is why communication is absolutely the most significant factor in the success of any relationship, especially one with a foreigner.
About Emily Jackson
Presently working as an au pair in Paris, France, Emily loves to take photos, sing, and drink French wine. She spent four months in Geneva, Switzerland during university studying international relations, so when she didn’t want to go to grad school directly following graduation, going back to Europe seemed like the best option. Go after her travel adventures on her blog or on Instagram.
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twenty four thoughts on “ seven Things Tinder Instructed Me About French Dudes ”
I met a man visiting from France (in the US on a work visa). Primarily we both weren’t looking for something serious… we went on a few dates and he was so polite, we had so much in common (I’ve literally never had so much in common with anyone on many fronts while culturally we were so different).
He kissed me on the 3rd date & the 4th was pretty lousy hookup. We attempted again for a 5th date in spite of that and it made up for the horrid very first time… he made me feel valued, unique, special and adored… and all of a sudden he was “sick” for a week and couldn’t see me.
he had been so blatantly fair I had no reason to question this and we did still talk while naturally it slowed (I thought because he was ill)… then he recovered and still was more quiet… said he was busy with worth. For two weeks. I got frustrated because I knew something was up despite his assurances that “nothing had switched” and that it was indeed just work.
There had embarked being inconsistencies with things he was telling me. I questioned him on them and he just said maybe there was a misunderstanding- I asked him if there was someone else and he said there was, but she’s not why he tapered off and she’s only in town two weeks a month. Dubious there on the timeline… so she took priority to me which means he was more into her.
When we had met he said I was very first one he was meeting in the US… but when he talked about her he said he knew her very first…
I’m ripped now that I know he was lounging. Trust is a big deal to me and he and I got into a final fight… the thing is I fell for this liar and my mind is so conflicted about how I could be so guilable. I’m generally better at reading guys and I guess with the French charm and his timid behavior I never truly pegged him as a player.
My recommendation: def go for it with a French dude for lusty-fun (his smooching abilities along with other things were off the charts).
Don’t let your heart get invested no matter what. If your heart says it feels so right and you say it out noisy and he also echoes that back… overlook it! I wish I had researched prior because now I’m going to have a indeed difficult time trusting myself to make good choices in future relationships and part of me will always ache for this French fling that was a house of lies.
It is my very first time to write about my story on Internet. I’m inexperience in love, and I have some concerns about Frenchman culture. Here is my story “I met a French man on Tinder. We seem to have good conversations and we have good feeling to eacher. He demonstrated that he love me even just know eacher and we are long distance relationship, but the good feel and have same comment make us stir it swifter and he confessed that he love me. However, I found that he talk about hookup. He told me that is common because in French education system they put sexual education in high school. To display love, he sent me his nude photo. I have no idea what does he want. In my point of view, I thinking in two ways. Very first, he might be think that damsel want to see stud figure or he might not certain on himself and want to hear from lady. 2nd, he might just want sexual relationship rather long lasting relationship. Those two thinks always come up in my mind.