Top Banner Ad for Desktop
This article was posted in The Scene
Article Banner Ad for Desktop
Sometimes you truly need to text your ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t matter how long it has been, how bad your break-up was or the number of years since you both agreed to never speak again. Sometimes you just need to. And if you’ve already made the (possibly inadvisable!) decision to do so, then at least you can do it in the least life-damaging way possible. So here are five super effortless steps to painlessly text your ex.
The very first and most significant step in texting your ex is to maybe not do it at all. Are you inebriated? Are you sad? Do you just want attention? Are you attempting to make someone else jealous? Most importantly, is there someone else you can contact about this issue other than your ex? Maybe an old mutual friend?
YOU CAN OFTEN GOOGLE WHAT YOU WANT TO ASK YOUR EX
As you can see, Option Three provides the only option in which you do not end up blubbering softly. While there are many times you might want to text your ex, it’s infrequent that you truly need to. “That song we both like came on the radio” is not a good reason to text your ex. “I just witnessed the Hangover two — recall that time we were strung up over?” is not a good reason to text your ex. “Mrow” is not a good reason to text your ex. I’m not telling you shouldn’t text her for a valid, fair reasons — even a plain congratulations is suitable when it’s due. Just avoid texting your ex for stupid reasons.
On the spin side, you may be in a situation in which you should indeed call. If your ex-girlfriend has recently lost a loved one it is much more adequate to call or send a condolence card than a tacky text message. Alternatively if you very earnestly (and not because you’re inebriated/lonely/horny) want to get back together, those sort of steps are best initiated over the phone.
Also never text after 9:30pm because then she’ll think you’re buzzed even if you aren’t.
Step Two: Don’t Mention You’re Not Speaking
If you haven’t spoken to or texted you ex-girlfriend in months/years/decades it might feel weird to just begin telling words on your phone. Whatever you do, don’t lead with “I know we’re not speaking but…” This makes you sound petty and like you haven’t moved on. If you know you’re not speaking then why are you texting her?! (See Step 1.) A better idea is to embark with “Hey.” “Hey” is the official embark of any text to anyone who you don’t normally text. “Hey” makes you look nonchalant and cool like Fonzie.
EXCLAMATION POINTS HELP TOO
Still, particularly if your text is just a quick statement/congratulations, it might be best to forgo the “Hey” and just go for the awkward words from nowhere. In some ways this is even less awkward because it’s almost like you’re just totally normal acquaintance/friends who don’t even have to go through bizarre ex-girlfriend niceties.
Step Trio: Get to the Point
You’re texting your ex for a very specific reason (ahem Step 1) so get on with it already. You should preferably make your point in the very first text message. This isn’t being rude, it’s just normal texting. If you hem and haw for too long your ex might get the wrong message and react accordingly. You don’t need to be rude or curt, just to the point. You’re a busy woman and I’m sure your ex is too so there’s no need to waste anyone’s time.
I NEED THE SLEEPING BAG FOR A-CAMP
Getting to the point leave no room for uncertainty or grey area and prevents you from getting sucked in to an awful long texting conversation.
Step Four: Avoid Relationship Talk
Whatever you do, don’t get sucked back in to your old relationship. Very first of all, don’t talk about your relationship. Not the good parts, not the bad parts, not even things you did together. For the love of G-d don’t talk about how your ex-girlfriend “always does this.” It is neither helpful towards commencing over with someone nor moving on.
2nd, don’t text like you are still in your relationship. Don’t use quirky old pet names or baby-talk text. Avoid emoticons at all cost. You are now two adults who are communicating via a message made up of text. No one needs to write out kitten noises.
Eventually, don’t mention your fresh relationship situation. Even if you would love nothing better than to announce to everyone you meet that you did indeed find someone who would karaoke “Love You Like a Love Song” with you, this is not the time. You would almost undoubtedly be mentioning your fresh woman just to see your ex’s reaction and that’s not fair to anyone (including but not limited to your fresh gf). Similarly, don’t ask if she’s eyeing anyone. You most likely don’t want to know anyways and you can always ask her friends.
THERE ARE NO GOOD OPTIONS HERE. YOU Most likely SHOULDN’T Showcase YOUR FACE IN OHIO ANYMORE EITHER
Talking about old/fresh relationships takes all the tact you have inwards of you and texting eliminates all possible tact. Don’t get in to relationship talk, please don’t do it, I think it’s a bad idea, I’m warning you right now, indeed I have your back on this one. Don’t do it.
Step Five: Abandon While You’re Ahead
If you managed to get through texting your ex-girlfriend unscathed, then just stop. Did you congratulate her on graduating and she said “Thank you?” Okay, stop. Did she confirm that, yes, that was her old friend from circus camp you ran into? Okay, stop. Did she not react to your text message whatsoever? Okay, stop. You just have to stop texting before someone makes a loser of themselves (especially you).
SOMETIMES THE BEST THING TO SAY IS NOTHING
I’m going to level with you: this is truly hard for me. This is hard for a lot of people! You get the ball rolling, you’re talking about yourselves and where you are now and then all of a unexpected you’re nosey if they want to get a drink and catch up. Disaster.
So reminisce: play it cool, keep it brief and maybe (just maybe) don’t do it at all.
Lizz is a consumer, paramour and writer of all things pop culture and the Style/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also utter time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.
Lizz has written two hundred seventy six articles for us.
You May Also Like.
Post navigation
Desktop
Mobile
one hundred twenty three Comments
This is possibly my favourite article of all time.
This is amazing. Not like I’d ever text my ex because my gf is smokin’ (she’s clever too), but still a very delightful article.
My life last night unluckily,
this article is well timed, or ill timed, witnessing as I didn’t have any kind of sense and texted her :/ I was due for a good sob anyway I guess.
Lizz, this is awemazing.
Also, if your ex has a common name, it’s a good idea to switch her name in your phone. Texting her instead of a friend with the same name can lead to some indeed awkward situations. Not that I know from practice or anything.
This! Where were you after my last (very ugly) breakup when I texted my ex, whose name starts with the same letter as my best friend, pictures of the kitten my fresh gf got me?! Not to mention all the erupting about how amazing she is that went along with said kitten pics. Might I just say the response was less than civil. Truly could’ve used this bit of advice!
After a breakup (or fight when I’m still pissy), I just switch the name to “Nonononononononono” or “Don’t. Stop.” or “Don’t you dare” or something else to remind me that I certainly should not be texting this person. I block them on FB and talk until I feel like I can deal. It is helpful. I don’t like to lose my temper or have emotional scenes. I choose to be a robot. A lovemaking robot.
Undoubtedly this. I have a duo people labeled as “DO NOT PICK UP.” My phone gets a lot of wrong numbers thanks to being a similar number to the local SPCA, so I pick up if I don’t recognize the number itself so I can reroute people. I would never want that person to be a surprise ex, ew….
If it’s an ugly break up, I just delete her from my phone. My phone has a nasty habit of randomly resending old texts when it boots up. So I’ve texted exes without even sending a text. In general, I find just removing her from the phone solves a lot of problems.
Yea i support thats right to just delete her num from ur phone, bcuz if it stays there u may want to text or call her if u sees her name and num .
As someone who’s been on the other side of this situation, this is a superb idea. No one wants to get flirty texts from an ex she’s not over when those texts are meant for someone else. It fukkin gargles.
So true! I wouldn’t call this one damsel an ex gf but she’s kinda one and because of Tegan and Sara’s song Bad Idea I’ve switched her name to Bad Idea so I permanently remind myself not to text her when I’m tipsy or therefore seeking attention.
‘Avoiding Relationship Talk’ is the best advice ever. Went down that road with my ex the entire time since we broke up e.g X has a fresh album out, reminisce how much joy that concert was. We met up before I’d moved on to detect she had. So many lesbians I know are friends with their exes and it’s all good, glad to know I’m not the only one out there incapable of it
How did you know I was fighting the urge to text my ex? How, Autostraddle? Are you psychic?
this is relevant to my life
My ex once texted me: “You’ll never find anyone else like me again” My very first thought was I fucking hope not! I didn’t want you so why would I want anyone LIKE YOU? So yeah..nothing good can come of texting your ex..
Sounds awful. One of these sorts of things – http://xkcd.com/1042 ?
You just…get me…breathe (pulls out world map and traces the distance to Australia)
I feel that. My gf’s ex texted her “You’re still my weakness.” BITCH. STEP. OFF.
Me being the one to find that text because I was using her phone to check the weather that morning was bad news bears.
Once my ex texted me a photo of herself before a date and asked, “Is the tie too much?”
This is not a good thing to text your ex.
I would have been tempted to tell her to drape herself with that tie. I am vindictive.
Liz you’re a genius. Thank you for the reminders on these very key abilities, homegirl.
This is the best and most significant advice ever written on autostraddle dot commmmmm
Fantastic examples! I would be so upset if someone threatened to have her mom burn my good sleeping bag.
Yes, all of this. I have no further feelings I can discuss without hitting something.
This is hilarious. Even as old and wise as I am (ha), I know I would make every texting mistake listed here.
This is my fresh bible.
Step four is especially relevant. Thanks for helping me navigate the murky waters!
Soooo…going to plays your ex stage manages, and inviting her to derby bouts…that’s cool, tho’, right?
i have violated all of these rules. whoops
you and me both mate
i most likely have violated each one of these rules tonight as a matter of fact
some people never learn
this is relevant for me.
it would be relevant for me ex, too.
oops, typo. i swear i don’t usually talk like a pirate.
What’s the protocol for when your ex, whom you haven’t spoken to in months, feels the need to text you and let you know you will not be invited to her upcoming wedding–to a man? Umm, it would’ve been more awkward to actually get invited I think.
I’ll see your disregard and raise you a B L O C K that shit, son.
just to be clear, i shouldn’t text my ex a link to this article, right?
What if I send it to your ex and you send it to mine?
Umm, my thoughts exactly! Anyone want to do me a giant favor and send it to her? She needs these lessons.
I feel like if I was a grown up none of this would surprise me but I’m not so thank you o god of autostraddle
I can testify about not toasted testing. Stone cold sober wasn’t any better.
Wow, super timely advice. I attempted to text my ex a few weeks ago, while inebriated. Turns out he switched his number, so that bullet was dodged.
So in this post, I’m the texter on the left, right?
“Mrow” is not a good reason to text your ex.
I have an ex listed in my phone as ” no toasted dial!” for this very reason.
Christ, this was hilarious. Thank you for making my morning flawless!
I texted my ex two days ago after over a year of not speaking.
Liz is in my brain.
(I didn’t break any of your rules either!)
thanks to ASHRA spells, your spell worked within 48hours Just as you promised,my ex called me in the middle of the night pleading for me to forgive him, I am now reunited with the person I love. I am more satisfied than I’ve ever been as I can now look to an amazing future with thought I’d lost for good.
Todd, Derby England UK
Brilliant! Simply brilliant.
Hahaha so funny!
Thank you for saving my dignity. and my good sleeping bag.
I don’t have texting, and even however I feel like I’m in the stone age right now, this article was superb. Texting is so complicated! I’ll stick to inebriated facebook messages.
don’t be insensitive, maybe she just has a jitterbug
I wish I could say I had a jitterbug, that thing looks like it could withstand a nuclear attack. You funny people, you make me giggle.
i think that would actually be the lacucaracha model
“Also never text after 9:30pm because then she’ll think you’re toasted even if you aren’t.”
these are the truest and best words anyone has ever typed
Is there a text to make sure your ex is alive when she lives in the boonies and there are forest fires?
Send carrier pigeons…I’m guessing they know how to treat that sort of thing.
Unluckily I was serious… I looked up the forest fires online instead…. other side of her town… *breathe of ease* no need to text
one time i switched my ex’s name in my phone to ‘bad idea’. helped with the agh-i-need-to-text urges.
My friend did this for me! And then she told me she got the idea from something Tegan had said, and so to this day I still have a contact called BAD IDEA
asdfghjkl yes thank you.
This is my beloved article of all time. It’s funny cause it’s true. There have been so many times I have made this mistake in the past.
Lizzzzzzzzzz, I ALREADY TEXTED HER. D: Why did article not happen before her bday last week?! Now I’m in all kinds of awkward angst/confusion. =\
but what if you’re tipsy, lonely, and horny. what then
that’s what asschat is for.
this explains why i’ve been wake up confused, pants less, and still on cam
I’ll message you my number
Ahhh excellent timing on this, especially the “abandon while you’re ahead” part
I violated Step two about ten minutes before I witnessed this article.
I’ve never had to text an ex, but now I feel ready if I ever have to. I especially loved the sample conversations. Good article!
“You can often google what you want to text your ex”
(But google won’t tell me the response like she would. . .)
No sleeping bag is worth the next ten hours of shame drinks, subsequent shame hangover and unavoidable shame-i-told-my-best-friend-and-now-I’m-crying-at-Starbucks-confession
Gratefully I haven’t cracked any of these rules, but now I despairingly want to text ‘Mrow’ to someone and see how they react.
I pretty much exclusively text in cat noises.
I LOVE SPECIFIC EXAMPLES THEY ENHANCE MY COMPREHENSION
My ex-gf texted me today asking if she could stay with me (at my parents house?) while in town next weekend.
I said HELL TO THE NO GURL (in more polite terms).
I wish I could send myself a congratulations text, that’s how proud I am.
ps I want to (somehow) commence using “I’ll have my mom burn your sleeping bag.”
lol ami you should have just said that and your ex would’ve been SO confused
but earnestly – is that bitch high?
its been said, but. this is legitimately extra-important for my actual life.
Presently cracking pretty much all of these rules. Attempting to stay friends after she moved to another country was possibly not the smartest stir I’ve made. Unluckily, this communication is also happening on facebook, which opens a entire can of other worms, the thickest, grossest, most gut-wrenching-if-eaten being the fact that all previous messages are stored IN THE SAME FUCKING CONVERSATION. One unfortunate click, and it’s all there in front of you. This made me realize I’m an idiot. Goodnight.
I wish I could go back in time and send this to a few of my friends
My ex just sent me the link to this article.
NO EMOTICONS. I totally agree. I asked a elementary question to my ex once and put a smiley face at the end because I wished it to be light-hearted and nice sounding but NOOOOOOOO… the smiley face said WAY
more than I thought even possible.
“I thought since you put a smiley face in your text message that this meant we could open up our communication.”
NO WAY!! Damn emoticons.
I had to deal with an outpouring of trapped emotions and then got called a “bitch flipped up in chocolate and covered in a colorful candy covered shell.”
Best insult ever… but the text got totally way off base from my original intention.
It is very interesting. I put a smiley face at the end of my e-mail message. He called the next day and we met after Two.Five years of no contact. He suggested to be friends. Nex time I e-mailed him and closed with “hugs”. He was suppose to call me six weeks ago..but has not… Any ideas? Was it too much? Now I am thinking what to do next.
Gravely I can’t with AS sometimes, this was just too funny and real!
I recall an ex texted me a crazy underwear pic of herself and was like, “miss this?” I thought she might have texted that pic to the wrong person (me) but no she knew my weakness for garter belts and hip high silk stockings. It was a trap a sexy sexy trap. A trap I fell into and feared I would never get back out.
I wish I had this article then but nooooo…..I suffered *more* three weeks of anguish, confusion, processing overloads, and more confusion.
I learned to not date people who I am too sexually compatible with but fail dreadfully with everything else. Balance is key.
your ex know my weakness as well, can send that sexy trap to my phone?
Balance is key, but I haven’t ever had an ex who didn’t lack a flair for drama. Having ATT, I can’t block anyone to save my life. I’d love to have had sent this to my exes and myself at least a few times in my life. This is the most entertaining AS article yet that has hit close to home.
good boundaries make superb exes. Awesome article!
Never ever ever text an ex! Like ever!
Was the article written SPECIFICALLY for me in the wake of a latest breakup? Bad decisions = adverted. Zero cracks in non-communication. Why yes, I will pat myself on the back.
Dilemma: Deleted ex’s # from the phone to avoid texting but you still recall her digits on top of your head. Dang! #veryme
hahahaha i still can’t stop laughing about the “ill have my mom burn your sleeping bag”
Ugh, I made that mistake a month ago! I wish I’d seen this article earlier but it undoubtedly gave me a good laugh hahha! Well done.
this never fails- “Error message 404: network temporarily unavailable”
Common sense, it’s never to late to commence practising it.
If I hadn’t blocked, deleted, overlooked & attempted to leave behind my ex, I’d SOOOOOO be sending this article to her. Can someone do it for me, puleeeeze.
There indeed is no good reason to text an ex. Unless you are good mates and there’s absolutely NOTHING in the way of feelings either way left..
This is so goddamn brilliant. The “weigh your options” demonstrations with the potential results had me in tears. Well done.
This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my paramour away from me and my hubby left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man Dr Zara have helped someone and i determined to give him a attempt to help me bring my paramour back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my spouse and after 48hours as he have told me, i eyed a car drove into the house and behold it was my spouse and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am blessed to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your paramour back to your self. His email: truegiftspell@gmail.com
Oh, joy. Roll your -metaphorical- nut sack ladies. Just… roll the ball. Pass it on. Someone might catch it, and roll it back. My two cents. xD
I have mixed feelings about texting exes. I generally attempt to avoid it, and if I have something I truly need to say to them I do it over Facebook. (I go on Facebook less often than I check my messages, and therefore it helps me not obsess over what they might react with.)
I think it helps too that for the most part I am friends with my exes, which makes communication lighter.
Interestingly, I’m not the ex who does the texting; that falls to the person I most recently ended it with.
This is so funny. And so spot-on.
Hi everyone i will never leave behind the help the Mother Esango Shrine render to me in my marital life. i have been married for four years now and my hubby and i love each other very dearly . after three years of our marriage my spouse all of a sudden switch he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was begging for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we begged but nothing happen. my hubby just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my spouse and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i spotted someone sharing her testimony on how the Mother Esango help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email of Mother Esango. I told her my problem and i was told to be tranquil that i have come to the right place that i should pack some information concerning my self i did after some time she called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 13days. She told me what went wrong with my spouse and how it happen. that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their Shrine anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my hubby came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don’t you give Mother Esango a attempt she powewerful and kind. i know she will also bring back your hubby. i promise to keep sharing her good work any time i’m on the internet. when ever i come accros a forum like this, i always share the testimony. contact her via esangoshrine@gmail.com or visit her website http://www.esangoshrine.webs.com
My name is Ethan Camel from USA am thirty nine years old i got married at the age of twenty two i have only Two child and i was living cheerfully .After six year of my marriage my spouse behavior became so strange and I don’t indeed understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never desire’s of losing him, i attempt my possible best to make sure that my hubby get back to me but all to no avail, i sob and sob seeking for help, i discussed it with my best friend Linda and she promise to help me. She told me of a man called DR Shadow, she told me he is a very excellent man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love and Cancer issues he cannot solve and she told me how he has help innumerable numbers of people in restoring their relationship etc. I was truly woo, I quickly contacted his cell phone +2348166292265 or email address at drshadow31@gmail.com . I explain all my problem to him, he told me that I should not worry that all my problems will be fine and now am very blessed I with my spouse and my family.
Hi, I and my ex beau broke up about seven weeks now. We’ve been together for four years. We had so many issues during in our relationship. We got engaged and eventually he switched his mind not to get married soon and told me he doesn’t want kids. It broke my heart. He also told me that culture differences is another problem inbetween us. When we broke up I beg many times. He told he doesn’t want to go back in to our relationship and he wants us to budge on. I stayed another two weeks with him while I am looking for a fresh place. we had hook-up a duo times. He told me he just want us stay as friends.
When I moved out, he didn’t txt or call but when we each other we are fine talking like a friend. Is there anyway that i can win him back? that was the question i asked my sister and she told me he have had an encouter with the famous love doctor and i contacted him and he pleaded for my relationship and my beau came back to me and my relationship was restored and now we will be getting married soon. Please get to know him and ask for his help on (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com). The love doctor is the best and will help you ��
In all this,I send to my ex something I see there
“Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing”
[…]robinso.buckler @ yahoo . com: Helped to bring My Ex-Husband back with his spiritual power […]
My ex and I broke up about two months ago. I got most of my things back from him one weeks ago, and we had “the talk”. According to him, he found someone better and went for it. He then proceeded to tell me that he’s moved on, and that I should too. I thought it was kinda funny because I have not given him any reaction since we’ve cracked up, shown him how pathetic I am, talked to him only when necessary (we work together), but never about us. The thing is, that it’s clear out in the open that was with someone fresh, it confused me why he still stared at me. At very first, I thought it was only my imagination, until other co-workers actually began noticing it too. Is he staring at me so that he can feel better that he’s found the “better one”? i wondered. He was also cold towards me at work, which others noticed, I continued being my cheerful self at work from Day one after the breakup, so my friends seem to think that he was attempting to hurt me for not providing any reaction. I still loved him, and desired to get back together with him. I didn’t know this fresh gf did something to him to make him leave behind about me. I got to know after one of my co workers introduced me to Akim who mends cracked heart and relationships. Akim helped me break what the doll has done on my beau and he came back to me begging me to have him back. we are living together again. Akim’s contact email is prayerstosavemarriage@hotmail.com. Do well to contact him if you’re facing love issues… ��
I have been in a relationship for over two years with my bf all of a unexpected he said he wants a break up, we stopped being close because i got a job so we dont get to dangle out as much as we did b4 and he began dating another woman i dont know her name but that was why he left me i attempted many ways to get him back but to no avail. A friend told me of a man called Dr harrison or Doctor as he is called he helped me with my issue i did not believe in stuff like that but now me and my bf are going strong, i just dreamed people to know of this wonderful man and his works. You can contact him at Harrisonwells989@outlook.com
Mods – it would be helpful if someone deleted the many spam comments on this thread. (Why is this thread getting hit with nonsense?)
How i restored my cracked relationships that later led to marriage,
Hello to the people of this forum< Am Shirly letton stoke from Texas and i can say that am the happiest person on earth since last week with what DR STONE has done for me , it all began last year October when my fiance left me in Texas and travel to see his parents in Ohio at very first him was still calling me and showcase love even when him was away , but it gets to a point when he no longer gives a shit about me , and i noticed it so when i attempted to confront him , he told me that he dose not love me anymore that he feel like being alone i was shocked and heartbroken when i attempted talking he will string up the phone on me. i was so heart cracked and i was frustrated about this , but on a 2nd thought i was not persuade that he was on his right senses so i discuss this with my elder sister who lives in California and she directed me to DR STONE of transfer_access@yahoo.com telling that the man has helped her friend in such case before so i said to my self let me attempted i contacted this man and explain everything to him and behold DR STONE said to me what am to do and i did exactly what he and he said after three days my fiance will call me and once he calls me i should pick the calls and he gave some other instructions . so i said okay , but to my best surprise on the 7th of November my fiancee called me and embarked telling on the phone am sorry it was like a wish to me , with this i said i will tell the world of what DR STONE has don in my life , so if any one is out there and needs help in his or her relationship can also contact him today via
he restores violated marriage.
he is also specialize in restoring barrenness and you will conceive.
he can also help you if you have problem in your work place.
his phone number is +2348033721991
ITS VERY NICE CONTEXT TO REFERRED. I SURELY DID AND FOUND IT VERY HELPFUL JUST NOT TO IMPRESS OUR EX BUT TO AVOID WHAT THAT MIGHT HURT THEM BACK LIKE POKING IN THE WOUND. THANKS FOR SUCH AN INTERESTING AND AMAZING ADVICE.
Texting Your Ex-Girlfriend in Five Effortless Steps, Autostraddle
Top Banner Ad for Desktop
This article was posted in The Scene
Article Banner Ad for Desktop
Sometimes you truly need to text your ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t matter how long it has been, how bad your break-up was or the number of years since you both agreed to never speak again. Sometimes you just need to. And if you’ve already made the (possibly inadvisable!) decision to do so, then at least you can do it in the least life-damaging way possible. So here are five super effortless steps to painlessly text your ex.
The very first and most significant step in texting your ex is to maybe not do it at all. Are you tipsy? Are you sad? Do you just want attention? Are you attempting to make someone else jealous? Most importantly, is there someone else you can contact about this issue other than your ex? Maybe an old mutual friend?
YOU CAN OFTEN GOOGLE WHAT YOU WANT TO ASK YOUR EX
As you can see, Option Three provides the only option in which you do not end up howling softly. While there are many times you might want to text your ex, it’s uncommon that you truly need to. “That song we both like came on the radio” is not a good reason to text your ex. “I just witnessed the Hangover two — reminisce that time we were suspended over?” is not a good reason to text your ex. “Mrow” is not a good reason to text your ex. I’m not telling you shouldn’t text her for a valid, fair reasons — even a ordinary congratulations is adequate when it’s due. Just avoid texting your ex for stupid reasons.
On the roll side, you may be in a situation in which you should indeed call. If your ex-girlfriend has recently lost a loved one it is much more adequate to call or send a condolence card than a tacky text message. Alternatively if you very gravely (and not because you’re tipsy/lonely/horny) want to get back together, those sort of steps are best initiated over the phone.
Also never text after 9:30pm because then she’ll think you’re tipsy even if you aren’t.
Step Two: Don’t Mention You’re Not Speaking
If you haven’t spoken to or texted you ex-girlfriend in months/years/decades it might feel weird to just commence telling words on your phone. Whatever you do, don’t lead with “I know we’re not speaking but…” This makes you sound petty and like you haven’t moved on. If you know you’re not speaking then why are you texting her?! (See Step 1.) A better idea is to embark with “Hey.” “Hey” is the official begin of any text to anyone who you don’t normally text. “Hey” makes you look nonchalant and cool like Fonzie.
EXCLAMATION POINTS HELP TOO
Still, particularly if your text is just a quick statement/congratulations, it might be best to forgo the “Hey” and just go for the awkward words from nowhere. In some ways this is even less awkward because it’s almost like you’re just totally normal acquaintance/friends who don’t even have to go through bizarre ex-girlfriend niceties.
Step Three: Get to the Point
You’re texting your ex for a very specific reason (ahem Step 1) so get on with it already. You should preferably make your point in the very first text message. This isn’t being rude, it’s just normal texting. If you hem and haw for too long your ex might get the wrong message and react accordingly. You don’t need to be rude or curt, just to the point. You’re a busy woman and I’m sure your ex is too so there’s no need to waste anyone’s time.
I NEED THE SLEEPING BAG FOR A-CAMP
Getting to the point leave no room for uncertainty or grey area and prevents you from getting sucked in to an awful long texting conversation.
Step Four: Avoid Relationship Talk
Whatever you do, don’t get sucked back in to your old relationship. Very first of all, don’t talk about your relationship. Not the good parts, not the bad parts, not even things you did together. For the love of G-d don’t talk about how your ex-girlfriend “always does this.” It is neither helpful towards embarking over with someone nor moving on.
2nd, don’t text like you are still in your relationship. Don’t use quirky old pet names or baby-talk text. Avoid emoticons at all cost. You are now two adults who are communicating via a message made up of text. No one needs to write out kitten noises.
Ultimately, don’t mention your fresh relationship situation. Even if you would love nothing better than to announce to everyone you meet that you did indeed find someone who would karaoke “Love You Like a Love Song” with you, this is not the time. You would almost undoubtedly be mentioning your fresh woman just to see your ex’s reaction and that’s not fair to anyone (including but not limited to your fresh gf). Similarly, don’t ask if she’s eyeing anyone. You most likely don’t want to know anyways and you can always ask her friends.
THERE ARE NO GOOD OPTIONS HERE. YOU Most likely SHOULDN’T Demonstrate YOUR FACE IN OHIO ANYMORE EITHER
Talking about old/fresh relationships takes all the tact you have inwards of you and texting liquidates all possible tact. Don’t get in to relationship talk, please don’t do it, I think it’s a bad idea, I’m warning you right now, truly I have your back on this one. Don’t do it.
Step Five: Abandon While You’re Ahead
If you managed to get through texting your ex-girlfriend unscathed, then just stop. Did you congratulate her on graduating and she said “Thank you?” Okay, stop. Did she confirm that, yes, that was her old friend from circus camp you ran into? Okay, stop. Did she not react to your text message whatsoever? Okay, stop. You just have to stop texting before someone makes a loser of themselves (especially you).
SOMETIMES THE BEST THING TO SAY IS NOTHING
I’m going to level with you: this is indeed hard for me. This is hard for a lot of people! You get the ball rolling, you’re talking about yourselves and where you are now and then all of a unexpected you’re nosey if they want to get a drink and catch up. Disaster.
So reminisce: play it cool, keep it brief and maybe (just maybe) don’t do it at all.
Lizz is a consumer, paramour and writer of all things pop culture and the Style/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also utter time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.
Lizz has written two hundred seventy six articles for us.
You May Also Like.
Post navigation
Desktop
Mobile
one hundred twenty three Comments
This is possibly my favourite article of all time.
This is amazing. Not like I’d ever text my ex because my gf is smokin’ (she’s clever too), but still a very delightful article.
My life last night unluckily,
this article is well timed, or ill timed, witnessing as I didn’t have any kind of sense and texted her :/ I was due for a good sob anyway I guess.
Lizz, this is awemazing.
Also, if your ex has a common name, it’s a good idea to switch her name in your phone. Texting her instead of a friend with the same name can lead to some indeed awkward situations. Not that I know from practice or anything.
This! Where were you after my last (very ugly) breakup when I texted my ex, whose name starts with the same letter as my best friend, pictures of the kitten my fresh gf got me?! Not to mention all the spewing out about how amazing she is that went along with said kitten pics. Might I just say the response was less than civil. Truly could’ve used this bit of advice!
After a breakup (or fight when I’m still pissy), I just switch the name to “Nonononononononono” or “Don’t. Stop.” or “Don’t you dare” or something else to remind me that I undoubtedly should not be texting this person. I block them on FB and talk until I feel like I can deal. It is helpful. I don’t like to lose my temper or have emotional scenes. I choose to be a robot. A hook-up robot.
Undoubtedly this. I have a duo people labeled as “DO NOT PICK UP.” My phone gets a lot of wrong numbers thanks to being a similar number to the local SPCA, so I pick up if I don’t recognize the number itself so I can reroute people. I would never want that person to be a surprise ex, ew….
If it’s an ugly break up, I just delete her from my phone. My phone has a nasty habit of randomly resending old texts when it boots up. So I’ve texted exes without even sending a text. In general, I find just removing her from the phone solves a lot of problems.
Yea i support thats right to just delete her num from ur phone, bcuz if it stays there u may want to text or call her if u sees her name and num .
As someone who’s been on the other side of this situation, this is a fine idea. No one wants to get flirty texts from an ex she’s not over when those texts are meant for someone else. It fukkin deep throats.
So true! I wouldn’t call this one female an ex gf but she’s kinda one and because of Tegan and Sara’s song Bad Idea I’ve switched her name to Bad Idea so I permanently remind myself not to text her when I’m inebriated or therefore seeking attention.
‘Avoiding Relationship Talk’ is the best advice ever. Went down that road with my ex the entire time since we broke up e.g X has a fresh album out, reminisce how much joy that concert was. We met up before I’d moved on to detect she had. So many lesbians I know are friends with their exes and it’s all good, glad to know I’m not the only one out there incapable of it
How did you know I was fighting the urge to text my ex? How, Autostraddle? Are you psychic?
this is relevant to my life
My ex once texted me: “You’ll never find anyone else like me again” My very first thought was I fucking hope not! I didn’t want you so why would I want anyone LIKE YOU? So yeah..nothing good can come of texting your ex..
Sounds awful. One of these sorts of things – http://xkcd.com/1042 ?
You just…get me…breathe (pulls out world map and traces the distance to Australia)
I feel that. My gf’s ex texted her “You’re still my weakness.” BITCH. STEP. OFF.
Me being the one to find that text because I was using her phone to check the weather that morning was bad news bears.
Once my ex texted me a photo of herself before a date and asked, “Is the tie too much?”
This is not a good thing to text your ex.
I would have been tempted to tell her to dangle herself with that tie. I am vindictive.
Liz you’re a genius. Thank you for the reminders on these very key abilities, homegirl.
This is the best and most significant advice ever written on autostraddle dot commmmmm
Fantastic examples! I would be so upset if someone threatened to have her mom burn my good sleeping bag.
Yes, all of this. I have no further feelings I can discuss without hitting something.
This is hilarious. Even as old and wise as I am (ha), I know I would make every texting mistake listed here.
This is my fresh bible.
Step four is especially relevant. Thanks for helping me navigate the murky waters!
Soooo…going to plays your ex stage manages, and inviting her to derby bouts…that’s cool, however, right?
i have violated all of these rules. whoops
you and me both mate
i most likely have cracked each one of these rules tonight as a matter of fact
some people never learn
this is relevant for me.
it would be relevant for me ex, too.
oops, typo. i swear i don’t usually talk like a pirate.
What’s the protocol for when your ex, whom you haven’t spoken to in months, feels the need to text you and let you know you will not be invited to her upcoming wedding–to a man? Umm, it would’ve been more awkward to actually get invited I think.
I’ll see your disregard and raise you a B L O C K that shit, son.
just to be clear, i shouldn’t text my ex a link to this article, right?
What if I send it to your ex and you send it to mine?
Umm, my thoughts exactly! Anyone want to do me a giant favor and send it to her? She needs these lessons.
I feel like if I was a grown up none of this would surprise me but I’m not so thank you o god of autostraddle
I can testify about not tipsy testing. Stone cold sober wasn’t any better.
Wow, super timely advice. I attempted to text my ex a few weeks ago, while toasted. Turns out he switched his number, so that bullet was dodged.
So in this post, I’m the texter on the left, right?
“Mrow” is not a good reason to text your ex.
I have an ex listed in my phone as ” no tipsy dial!” for this very reason.
Christ, this was hilarious. Thank you for making my morning ideal!
I texted my ex two days ago after over a year of not speaking.
Liz is in my brain.
(I didn’t break any of your rules either!)
thanks to ASHRA spells, your spell worked within 48hours Just as you promised,my ex called me in the middle of the night pleading for me to forgive him, I am now reunited with the person I love. I am more satisfied than I’ve ever been as I can now look to an amazing future with thought I’d lost for good.
Todd, Derby England UK
Brilliant! Simply brilliant.
Hahaha so funny!
Thank you for saving my dignity. and my good sleeping bag.
I don’t have texting, and even tho’ I feel like I’m in the stone age right now, this article was superb. Texting is so complicated! I’ll stick to toasted facebook messages.
don’t be insensitive, maybe she just has a jitterbug
I wish I could say I had a jitterbug, that thing looks like it could withstand a nuclear attack. You funny people, you make me giggle.
i think that would actually be the lacucaracha model
“Also never text after 9:30pm because then she’ll think you’re tipsy even if you aren’t.”
these are the truest and best words anyone has ever typed
Is there a text to make sure your ex is alive when she lives in the boonies and there are forest fires?
Send carrier pigeons…I’m guessing they know how to treat that sort of thing.
Unluckily I was serious… I looked up the forest fires online instead…. other side of her town… *breathe of ease* no need to text
one time i switched my ex’s name in my phone to ‘bad idea’. helped with the agh-i-need-to-text urges.
My friend did this for me! And then she told me she got the idea from something Tegan had said, and so to this day I still have a contact called BAD IDEA
asdfghjkl yes thank you.
This is my beloved article of all time. It’s funny cause it’s true. There have been so many times I have made this mistake in the past.
Lizzzzzzzzzz, I ALREADY TEXTED HER. D: Why did article not happen before her bday last week?! Now I’m in all kinds of awkward angst/confusion. =\
but what if you’re buzzed, lonely, and horny. what then
that’s what asschat is for.
this explains why i’ve been wake up confused, pants less, and still on cam
I’ll message you my number
Ahhh good timing on this, especially the “abandon while you’re ahead” part
I violated Step two about ten minutes before I eyed this article.
I’ve never had to text an ex, but now I feel ready if I ever have to. I especially loved the sample conversations. Good article!
“You can often google what you want to text your ex”
(But google won’t tell me the reaction like she would. . .)
No sleeping bag is worth the next ten hours of shame drinks, subsequent shame hangover and inescapable shame-i-told-my-best-friend-and-now-I’m-crying-at-Starbucks-confession
Gratefully I haven’t cracked any of these rules, but now I despairingly want to text ‘Mrow’ to someone and see how they react.
I pretty much exclusively text in cat noises.
I LOVE SPECIFIC EXAMPLES THEY ENHANCE MY COMPREHENSION
My ex-gf texted me today asking if she could stay with me (at my parents house?) while in town next weekend.
I said HELL TO THE NO GURL (in more polite terms).
I wish I could send myself a congratulations text, that’s how proud I am.
ps I want to (somehow) embark using “I’ll have my mom burn your sleeping bag.”
lol ami you should have just said that and your ex would’ve been SO confused
but gravely – is that bitch high?
its been said, but. this is legitimately extra-important for my actual life.
Presently violating pretty much all of these rules. Attempting to stay friends after she moved to another country was possibly not the smartest budge I’ve made. Unluckily, this communication is also happening on facebook, which opens a entire can of other worms, the largest, grossest, most gut-wrenching-if-eaten being the fact that all previous messages are stored IN THE SAME FUCKING CONVERSATION. One unfortunate click, and it’s all there in front of you. This made me realize I’m an idiot. Goodnight.
I wish I could go back in time and send this to a few of my friends
My ex just sent me the link to this article.
NO EMOTICONS. I totally agree. I asked a ordinary question to my ex once and put a smiley face at the end because I wished it to be light-hearted and nice sounding but NOOOOOOOO… the smiley face said WAY
more than I thought even possible.
“I thought since you put a smiley face in your text message that this meant we could open up our communication.”
NO WAY!! Damn emoticons.
I had to deal with an outpouring of trapped emotions and then got called a “bitch flipped up in chocolate and covered in a colorful candy glazed shell.”
Best insult ever… but the text got totally way off base from my original intention.
It is very interesting. I put a smiley face at the end of my e-mail message. He called the next day and we met after Two.Five years of no contact. He suggested to be friends. Nex time I e-mailed him and closed with “hugs”. He was suppose to call me six weeks ago..but has not… Any ideas? Was it too much? Now I am thinking what to do next.
Earnestly I can’t with AS sometimes, this was just too funny and real!
I reminisce an ex texted me a horny underwear pic of herself and was like, “miss this?” I thought she might have texted that pic to the wrong person (me) but no she knew my weakness for garter belts and hip high silk stockings. It was a trap a sexy sexy trap. A trap I fell into and feared I would never get back out.
I wish I had this article then but nooooo…..I suffered *more* three weeks of ache, confusion, processing overloads, and more confusion.
I learned to not date people who I am too sexually compatible with but fail dreadfully with everything else. Balance is key.
your ex know my weakness as well, can send that sexy trap to my phone?
Balance is key, but I haven’t ever had an ex who didn’t lack a flair for drama. Having ATT, I can’t block anyone to save my life. I’d love to have had sent this to my exes and myself at least a few times in my life. This is the most entertaining AS article yet that has hit close to home.
good boundaries make excellent exes. Awesome article!
Never ever ever text an ex! Like ever!
Was the article written SPECIFICALLY for me in the wake of a latest breakup? Bad decisions = adverted. Zero violates in non-communication. Why yes, I will pat myself on the back.
Dilemma: Deleted ex’s # from the phone to avoid texting but you still reminisce her digits on top of your head. Dang! #veryme
hahahaha i still can’t stop laughing about the “ill have my mom burn your sleeping bag”
Ugh, I made that mistake a month ago! I wish I’d seen this article earlier but it undoubtedly gave me a good laugh hahha! Well done.
this never fails- “Error message 404: network temporarily unavailable”
Common sense, it’s never to late to commence practising it.
If I hadn’t blocked, deleted, disregarded & attempted to leave behind my ex, I’d SOOOOOO be sending this article to her. Can someone do it for me, puleeeeze.
There truly is no good reason to text an ex. Unless you are good mates and there’s absolutely NOTHING in the way of feelings either way left..
This is so goddamn brilliant. The “weigh your options” demonstrations with the potential results had me in tears. Well done.
This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my paramour away from me and my spouse left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man Dr Zara have helped someone and i determined to give him a attempt to help me bring my paramour back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my spouse and after 48hours as he have told me, i eyed a car drove into the house and behold it was my hubby and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am glad to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your paramour back to your self. His email: truegiftspell@gmail.com
Oh, joy. Roll your -metaphorical- nutsack ladies. Just… roll the ball. Pass it on. Someone might catch it, and roll it back. My two cents. xD
I have mixed feelings about texting exes. I generally attempt to avoid it, and if I have something I indeed need to say to them I do it over Facebook. (I go on Facebook less often than I check my messages, and therefore it helps me not obsess over what they might react with.)
I think it helps too that for the most part I am friends with my exes, which makes communication lighter.
Interestingly, I’m not the ex who does the texting; that falls to the person I most recently ended it with.
This is so funny. And so spot-on.
Hi everyone i will never leave behind the help the Mother Esango Shrine render to me in my marital life. i have been married for four years now and my spouse and i love each other very dearly . after three years of our marriage my hubby abruptly switch he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was pleading for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we begged but nothing happen. my spouse just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my spouse and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i witnessed someone sharing her testimony on how the Mother Esango help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email of Mother Esango. I told her my problem and i was told to be quiet that i have come to the right place that i should pack some information concerning my self i did after some time she called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 13days. She told me what went wrong with my hubby and how it happen. that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their Shrine anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my spouse came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don’t you give Mother Esango a attempt she powewerful and kind. i know she will also bring back your hubby. i promise to keep sharing her good work any time i’m on the internet. when ever i come accros a forum like this, i always share the testimony. contact her via esangoshrine@gmail.com or visit her website http://www.esangoshrine.webs.com
My name is Ethan Camel from USA am thirty nine years old i got married at the age of twenty two i have only Two child and i was living cheerfully .After six year of my marriage my spouse behavior became so strange and I don’t indeed understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never wish’s of losing him, i attempt my possible best to make sure that my hubby get back to me but all to no avail, i sob and sob seeking for help, i discussed it with my best friend Linda and she promise to help me. She told me of a man called DR Shadow, she told me he is a very superb man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love and Cancer issues he cannot solve and she told me how he has help uncountable numbers of people in restoring their relationship etc. I was truly coax, I quickly contacted his cell phone +2348166292265 or email address at drshadow31@gmail.com . I explain all my problem to him, he told me that I should not worry that all my problems will be fine and now am very blessed I with my spouse and my family.
Hi, I and my ex bf broke up about seven weeks now. We’ve been together for four years. We had so many issues during in our relationship. We got engaged and eventually he switched his mind not to get married soon and told me he doesn’t want kids. It broke my heart. He also told me that culture differences is another problem inbetween us. When we broke up I beg many times. He told he doesn’t want to go back in to our relationship and he wants us to budge on. I stayed another two weeks with him while I am looking for a fresh place. we had hook-up a duo times. He told me he just want us stay as friends.
When I moved out, he didn’t txt or call but when we each other we are fine talking like a friend. Is there anyway that i can win him back? that was the question i asked my sister and she told me he have had an encouter with the famous love doctor and i contacted him and he pleaded for my relationship and my bf came back to me and my relationship was restored and now we will be getting married soon. Please get to know him and ask for his help on (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com). The love doctor is the best and will help you ��
In all this,I send to my ex something I see there
“Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing”
[…]robinso.buckler @ yahoo . com: Helped to bring My Ex-Husband back with his spiritual power […]
My ex and I broke up about two months ago. I got most of my things back from him one weeks ago, and we had “the talk”. According to him, he found someone better and went for it. He then proceeded to tell me that he’s moved on, and that I should too. I thought it was kinda funny because I have not given him any reaction since we’ve cracked up, shown him how pathetic I am, talked to him only when necessary (we work together), but never about us. The thing is, that it’s clear out in the open that was with someone fresh, it confused me why he still stared at me. At very first, I thought it was only my imagination, until other co-workers actually embarked noticing it too. Is he staring at me so that he can feel better that he’s found the “better one”? i wondered. He was also cold towards me at work, which others noticed, I continued being my cheerful self at work from Day one after the breakup, so my friends seem to think that he was attempting to hurt me for not providing any reaction. I still loved him, and dreamed to get back together with him. I didn’t know this fresh gf did something to him to make him leave behind about me. I got to know after one of my co workers introduced me to Akim who mends violated heart and relationships. Akim helped me break what the doll has done on my beau and he came back to me begging me to have him back. we are living together again. Akim’s contact email is prayerstosavemarriage@hotmail.com. Do well to contact him if you’re facing love issues… ��
I have been in a relationship for over two years with my bf all of a unexpected he said he wants a break up, we stopped being close because i got a job so we dont get to dangle out as much as we did b4 and he embarked dating another female i dont know her name but that was why he left me i attempted many ways to get him back but to no avail. A friend told me of a man called Dr harrison or Doctor as he is called he helped me with my issue i did not believe in stuff like that but now me and my bf are going strong, i just dreamed people to know of this wonderful man and his works. You can contact him at Harrisonwells989@outlook.com
Mods – it would be helpful if someone deleted the many spam comments on this thread. (Why is this thread getting hit with nonsense?)
How i restored my cracked relationships that later led to marriage,
Hello to the people of this forum< Am Shirly letton stoke from Texas and i can say that am the happiest person on earth since last week with what DR STONE has done for me , it all commenced last year October when my fiance left me in Texas and travel to see his parents in Ohio at very first him was still calling me and display love even when him was away , but it gets to a point when he no longer gives a shit about me , and i noticed it so when i attempted to confront him , he told me that he dose not love me anymore that he feel like being alone i was shocked and heartbroken when i attempted talking he will drape the phone on me. i was so heart cracked and i was frustrated about this , but on a 2nd thought i was not woo that he was on his right senses so i discuss this with my elder sister who lives in California and she directed me to DR STONE of transfer_access@yahoo.com telling that the man has helped her friend in such case before so i said to my self let me attempted i contacted this man and explain everything to him and behold DR STONE said to me what am to do and i did exactly what he and he said after three days my fiance will call me and once he calls me i should pick the calls and he gave some other instructions . so i said okay , but to my best surprise on the 7th of November my fiancee called me and embarked telling on the phone am sorry it was like a desire to me , with this i said i will tell the world of what DR STONE has don in my life , so if any one is out there and needs help in his or her relationship can also contact him today via
he restores cracked marriage.
he is also specialize in restoring barrenness and you will conceive.
he can also help you if you have problem in your work place.
his phone number is +2348033721991
ITS VERY NICE CONTEXT TO REFERRED. I SURELY DID AND FOUND IT VERY HELPFUL JUST NOT TO IMPRESS OUR EX BUT TO AVOID WHAT THAT MIGHT HURT THEM BACK LIKE POKING IN THE WOUND. THANKS FOR SUCH AN INTERESTING AND AMAZING ADVICE.
Texting Your Ex-Girlfriend in Five Effortless Steps, Autostraddle
Top Banner Ad for Desktop
This article was posted in The Scene
Article Banner Ad for Desktop
Sometimes you indeed need to text your ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t matter how long it has been, how bad your break-up was or the number of years since you both agreed to never speak again. Sometimes you just need to. And if you’ve already made the (possibly inadvisable!) decision to do so, then at least you can do it in the least life-damaging way possible. So here are five super effortless steps to painlessly text your ex.
The very first and most significant step in texting your ex is to maybe not do it at all. Are you inebriated? Are you sad? Do you just want attention? Are you attempting to make someone else jealous? Most importantly, is there someone else you can contact about this issue other than your ex? Maybe an old mutual friend?
YOU CAN OFTEN GOOGLE WHAT YOU WANT TO ASK YOUR EX
As you can see, Option Three provides the only option in which you do not end up weeping softly. While there are many times you might want to text your ex, it’s infrequent that you truly need to. “That song we both like came on the radio” is not a good reason to text your ex. “I just eyed the Hangover two — reminisce that time we were dangled over?” is not a good reason to text your ex. “Mrow” is not a good reason to text your ex. I’m not telling you shouldn’t text her for a valid, fair reasons — even a elementary congratulations is adequate when it’s due. Just avoid texting your ex for stupid reasons.
On the spin side, you may be in a situation in which you should indeed call. If your ex-girlfriend has recently lost a loved one it is much more adequate to call or send a condolence card than a tacky text message. Alternatively if you very gravely (and not because you’re inebriated/lonely/horny) want to get back together, those sort of steps are best initiated over the phone.
Also never text after 9:30pm because then she’ll think you’re toasted even if you aren’t.
Step Two: Don’t Mention You’re Not Speaking
If you haven’t spoken to or texted you ex-girlfriend in months/years/decades it might feel weird to just begin telling words on your phone. Whatever you do, don’t lead with “I know we’re not speaking but…” This makes you sound petty and like you haven’t moved on. If you know you’re not speaking then why are you texting her?! (See Step 1.) A better idea is to embark with “Hey.” “Hey” is the official begin of any text to anyone who you don’t normally text. “Hey” makes you look nonchalant and cool like Fonzie.
EXCLAMATION POINTS HELP TOO
Still, particularly if your text is just a quick statement/congratulations, it might be best to forgo the “Hey” and just go for the awkward words from nowhere. In some ways this is even less awkward because it’s almost like you’re just totally normal acquaintance/friends who don’t even have to go through bizarre ex-girlfriend niceties.
Step Three: Get to the Point
You’re texting your ex for a very specific reason (ahem Step 1) so get on with it already. You should preferably make your point in the very first text message. This isn’t being rude, it’s just normal texting. If you hem and haw for too long your ex might get the wrong message and react accordingly. You don’t need to be rude or curt, just to the point. You’re a busy woman and I’m sure your ex is too so there’s no need to waste anyone’s time.
I NEED THE SLEEPING BAG FOR A-CAMP
Getting to the point leave no room for uncertainty or grey area and prevents you from getting sucked in to an awful long texting conversation.
Step Four: Avoid Relationship Talk
Whatever you do, don’t get sucked back in to your old relationship. Very first of all, don’t talk about your relationship. Not the good parts, not the bad parts, not even things you did together. For the love of G-d don’t talk about how your ex-girlfriend “always does this.” It is neither helpful towards embarking over with someone nor moving on.
2nd, don’t text like you are still in your relationship. Don’t use quirky old pet names or baby-talk text. Avoid emoticons at all cost. You are now two adults who are communicating via a message made up of text. No one needs to write out kitten noises.
Eventually, don’t mention your fresh relationship situation. Even if you would love nothing better than to announce to everyone you meet that you did indeed find someone who would karaoke “Love You Like a Love Song” with you, this is not the time. You would almost undoubtedly be mentioning your fresh woman just to see your ex’s reaction and that’s not fair to anyone (including but not limited to your fresh gf). Similarly, don’t ask if she’s witnessing anyone. You most likely don’t want to know anyways and you can always ask her friends.
THERE ARE NO GOOD OPTIONS HERE. YOU Very likely SHOULDN’T Showcase YOUR FACE IN OHIO ANYMORE EITHER
Talking about old/fresh relationships takes all the tact you have inwards of you and texting eliminates all possible tact. Don’t get in to relationship talk, please don’t do it, I think it’s a bad idea, I’m warning you right now, indeed I have your back on this one. Don’t do it.
Step Five: Abandon While You’re Ahead
If you managed to get through texting your ex-girlfriend unscathed, then just stop. Did you congratulate her on graduating and she said “Thank you?” Okay, stop. Did she confirm that, yes, that was her old friend from circus camp you ran into? Okay, stop. Did she not react to your text message whatsoever? Okay, stop. You just have to stop texting before someone makes a idiot of themselves (especially you).
SOMETIMES THE BEST THING TO SAY IS NOTHING
I’m going to level with you: this is indeed hard for me. This is hard for a lot of people! You get the ball rolling, you’re talking about yourselves and where you are now and then all of a unexpected you’re nosey if they want to get a drink and catch up. Disaster.
So recall: play it cool, keep it brief and maybe (just maybe) don’t do it at all.
Lizz is a consumer, paramour and writer of all things pop culture and the Style/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also total time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.
Lizz has written two hundred seventy six articles for us.
You May Also Like.
Post navigation
Desktop
Mobile
one hundred twenty three Comments
This is possibly my favourite article of all time.
This is amazing. Not like I’d ever text my ex because my gf is smokin’ (she’s brainy too), but still a very delightful article.
My life last night unluckily,
this article is well timed, or ill timed, watching as I didn’t have any kind of sense and texted her :/ I was due for a good sob anyway I guess.
Lizz, this is awemazing.
Also, if your ex has a common name, it’s a good idea to switch her name in your phone. Texting her instead of a friend with the same name can lead to some truly awkward situations. Not that I know from practice or anything.
This! Where were you after my last (very ugly) breakup when I texted my ex, whose name starts with the same letter as my best friend, pictures of the kitten my fresh gf got me?! Not to mention all the exploding about how amazing she is that went along with said kitten pics. Might I just say the response was less than civil. Indeed could’ve used this bit of advice!
After a breakup (or fight when I’m still pissy), I just switch the name to “Nonononononononono” or “Don’t. Stop.” or “Don’t you dare” or something else to remind me that I undoubtedly should not be texting this person. I block them on FB and talk until I feel like I can deal. It is helpful. I don’t like to lose my temper or have emotional scenes. I choose to be a robot. A hookup robot.
Certainly this. I have a duo people labeled as “DO NOT PICK UP.” My phone gets a lot of wrong numbers thanks to being a similar number to the local SPCA, so I pick up if I don’t recognize the number itself so I can reroute people. I would never want that person to be a surprise ex, ew….
If it’s an ugly break up, I just delete her from my phone. My phone has a nasty habit of randomly resending old texts when it boots up. So I’ve texted exes without even sending a text. In general, I find just removing her from the phone solves a lot of problems.
Yea i support thats right to just delete her num from ur phone, bcuz if it stays there u may want to text or call her if u sees her name and num .
As someone who’s been on the other side of this situation, this is a excellent idea. No one wants to get flirty texts from an ex she’s not over when those texts are meant for someone else. It fukkin deep-throats.
So true! I wouldn’t call this one lady an ex gf but she’s kinda one and because of Tegan and Sara’s song Bad Idea I’ve switched her name to Bad Idea so I permanently remind myself not to text her when I’m buzzed or therefore seeking attention.
‘Avoiding Relationship Talk’ is the best advice ever. Went down that road with my ex the entire time since we broke up e.g X has a fresh album out, reminisce how much joy that concert was. We met up before I’d moved on to detect she had. So many lesbians I know are friends with their exes and it’s all good, glad to know I’m not the only one out there incapable of it
How did you know I was fighting the urge to text my ex? How, Autostraddle? Are you psychic?
this is relevant to my life
My ex once texted me: “You’ll never find anyone else like me again” My very first thought was I fucking hope not! I didn’t want you so why would I want anyone LIKE YOU? So yeah..nothing good can come of texting your ex..
Sounds awful. One of these sorts of things – http://xkcd.com/1042 ?
You just…get me…breathe (pulls out world map and traces the distance to Australia)
I feel that. My gf’s ex texted her “You’re still my weakness.” BITCH. STEP. OFF.
Me being the one to find that text because I was using her phone to check the weather that morning was bad news bears.
Once my ex texted me a photo of herself before a date and asked, “Is the tie too much?”
This is not a good thing to text your ex.
I would have been tempted to tell her to drape herself with that tie. I am vindictive.
Liz you’re a genius. Thank you for the reminders on these very key abilities, homegirl.
This is the best and most significant advice ever written on autostraddle dot commmmmm
Fantastic examples! I would be so upset if someone threatened to have her mom burn my good sleeping bag.
Yes, all of this. I have no further feelings I can discuss without hitting something.
This is hilarious. Even as old and wise as I am (ha), I know I would make every texting mistake listed here.
This is my fresh bible.
Step four is especially relevant. Thanks for helping me navigate the murky waters!
Soooo…going to plays your ex stage manages, and inviting her to derby bouts…that’s cool, tho’, right?
i have cracked all of these rules. whoops
you and me both friend
i most likely have violated each one of these rules tonight as a matter of fact
some people never learn
this is relevant for me.
it would be relevant for me ex, too.
oops, typo. i swear i don’t usually talk like a pirate.
What’s the protocol for when your ex, whom you haven’t spoken to in months, feels the need to text you and let you know you will not be invited to her upcoming wedding–to a man? Umm, it would’ve been more awkward to actually get invited I think.
I’ll see your disregard and raise you a B L O C K that shit, son.
just to be clear, i shouldn’t text my ex a link to this article, right?
What if I send it to your ex and you send it to mine?
Umm, my thoughts exactly! Anyone want to do me a giant favor and send it to her? She needs these lessons.
I feel like if I was a grown up none of this would surprise me but I’m not so thank you o god of autostraddle
I can testify about not toasted testing. Stone cold sober wasn’t any better.
Wow, super timely advice. I attempted to text my ex a few weeks ago, while inebriated. Turns out he switched his number, so that bullet was dodged.
So in this post, I’m the texter on the left, right?
“Mrow” is not a good reason to text your ex.
I have an ex listed in my phone as ” no toasted dial!” for this very reason.
Christ, this was hilarious. Thank you for making my morning ideal!
I texted my ex two days ago after over a year of not speaking.
Liz is in my brain.
(I didn’t break any of your rules either!)
thanks to ASHRA spells, your spell worked within 48hours Just as you promised,my ex called me in the middle of the night pleading for me to forgive him, I am now reunited with the person I love. I am more satisfied than I’ve ever been as I can now look to an amazing future with thought I’d lost for good.
Thank you ashra,you can contact ASHRA on private emaill address on :ashraspelltemple@gmail.com or +2348131134346
Todd, Derby England UK
Brilliant! Simply brilliant.
Hahaha so funny!
Thank you for saving my dignity. and my good sleeping bag.
I don’t have texting, and even tho’ I feel like I’m in the stone age right now, this article was excellent. Texting is so complicated! I’ll stick to tipsy facebook messages.
don’t be insensitive, maybe she just has a jitterbug
I wish I could say I had a jitterbug, that thing looks like it could withstand a nuclear attack. You funny people, you make me giggle.
i think that would actually be the lacucaracha model
“Also never text after 9:30pm because then she’ll think you’re buzzed even if you aren’t.”
these are the truest and best words anyone has ever typed
Is there a text to make sure your ex is alive when she lives in the boonies and there are forest fires?
Send carrier pigeons…I’m guessing they know how to treat that sort of thing.
Unluckily I was serious… I looked up the forest fires online instead…. other side of her town… *breathe of ease* no need to text
one time i switched my ex’s name in my phone to ‘bad idea’. helped with the agh-i-need-to-text urges.
My friend did this for me! And then she told me she got the idea from something Tegan had said, and so to this day I still have a contact called BAD IDEA
asdfghjkl yes thank you.
This is my dearest article of all time. It’s funny cause it’s true. There have been so many times I have made this mistake in the past.
Lizzzzzzzzzz, I ALREADY TEXTED HER. D: Why did article not happen before her bday last week?! Now I’m in all kinds of awkward angst/confusion. =\
but what if you’re tipsy, lonely, and horny. what then
that’s what asschat is for.
this explains why i’ve been wake up confused, pants less, and still on cam
I’ll message you my number
Ahhh excellent timing on this, especially the “abandon while you’re ahead” part
I violated Step two about ten minutes before I witnessed this article.
I’ve never had to text an ex, but now I feel ready if I ever have to. I especially liked the sample conversations. Good article!
“You can often google what you want to text your ex”
(But google won’t tell me the response like she would. . .)
No sleeping bag is worth the next ten hours of shame drinks, subsequent shame hangover and unpreventable shame-i-told-my-best-friend-and-now-I’m-crying-at-Starbucks-confession
Gratefully I haven’t violated any of these rules, but now I despairingly want to text ‘Mrow’ to someone and see how they react.
I pretty much exclusively text in cat noises.
I LOVE SPECIFIC EXAMPLES THEY ENHANCE MY COMPREHENSION
My ex-gf texted me today asking if she could stay with me (at my parents house?) while in town next weekend.
I said HELL TO THE NO GURL (in more polite terms).
I wish I could send myself a congratulations text, that’s how proud I am.
ps I want to (somehow) embark using “I’ll have my mom burn your sleeping bag.”
lol ami you should have just said that and your ex would’ve been SO confused
but gravely – is that bitch high?
its been said, but. this is legitimately extra-important for my actual life.
Presently cracking pretty much all of these rules. Attempting to stay friends after she moved to another country was possibly not the smartest stir I’ve made. Unluckily, this communication is also happening on facebook, which opens a entire can of other worms, the largest, grossest, most gut-wrenching-if-eaten being the fact that all previous messages are stored IN THE SAME FUCKING CONVERSATION. One unfortunate click, and it’s all there in front of you. This made me realize I’m an idiot. Goodnight.
I wish I could go back in time and send this to a few of my friends
My ex just sent me the link to this article.
NO EMOTICONS. I totally agree. I asked a ordinary question to my ex once and put a smiley face at the end because I dreamed it to be light-hearted and nice sounding but NOOOOOOOO… the smiley face said WAY
more than I thought even possible.
“I thought since you put a smiley face in your text message that this meant we could open up our communication.”
NO WAY!! Damn emoticons.
I had to deal with an outpouring of trapped emotions and then got called a “bitch flipped up in chocolate and covered in a colorful candy decorated shell.”
Best insult ever… but the text got totally way off base from my original intention.
It is very interesting. I put a smiley face at the end of my e-mail message. He called the next day and we met after Two.Five years of no contact. He suggested to be friends. Nex time I e-mailed him and closed with “hugs”. He was suppose to call me six weeks ago..but has not… Any ideas? Was it too much? Now I am thinking what to do next.
Gravely I can’t with AS sometimes, this was just too funny and real!
I reminisce an ex texted me a kinky undergarments pic of herself and was like, “miss this?” I thought she might have texted that pic to the wrong person (me) but no she knew my weakness for garter belts and hip high silk stockings. It was a trap a sexy sexy trap. A trap I fell into and feared I would never get back out.
I wish I had this article then but nooooo…..I suffered *more* three weeks of ache, confusion, processing overloads, and more confusion.
I learned to not date people who I am too sexually compatible with but fail dreadfully with everything else. Balance is key.
your ex know my weakness as well, can send that sexy trap to my phone?
Balance is key, but I haven’t ever had an ex who didn’t lack a flair for drama. Having ATT, I can’t block anyone to save my life. I’d love to have had sent this to my exes and myself at least a few times in my life. This is the most entertaining AS article yet that has hit close to home.
good boundaries make good exes. Awesome article!
Never ever ever text an ex! Like ever!
Was the article written SPECIFICALLY for me in the wake of a latest breakup? Bad decisions = adverted. Zero cracks in non-communication. Why yes, I will pat myself on the back.
Dilemma: Deleted ex’s # from the phone to avoid texting but you still recall her digits on top of your head. Dang! #veryme
hahahaha i still can’t stop laughing about the “ill have my mom burn your sleeping bag”
Ugh, I made that mistake a month ago! I wish I’d seen this article earlier but it undoubtedly gave me a good laugh hahha! Well done.
this never fails- “Error message 404: network temporarily unavailable”
Common sense, it’s never to late to commence practising it.
If I hadn’t blocked, deleted, overlooked & attempted to leave behind my ex, I’d SOOOOOO be sending this article to her. Can someone do it for me, puleeeeze.
There truly is no good reason to text an ex. Unless you are good mates and there’s absolutely NOTHING in the way of feelings either way left..
This is so goddamn brilliant. The “weigh your options” demonstrations with the potential results had me in tears. Well done.
This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my paramour away from me and my hubby left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man Dr Zara have helped someone and i determined to give him a attempt to help me bring my paramour back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my hubby and after 48hours as he have told me, i witnessed a car drove into the house and behold it was my spouse and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am glad to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your paramour back to your self. His email: truegiftspell@gmail.com
Oh, joy. Roll your -metaphorical- ball sack ladies. Just… roll the ball. Pass it on. Someone might catch it, and roll it back. My two cents. xD
I have mixed feelings about texting exes. I generally attempt to avoid it, and if I have something I truly need to say to them I do it over Facebook. (I go on Facebook less often than I check my messages, and therefore it helps me not obsess over what they might react with.)
I think it helps too that for the most part I am friends with my exes, which makes communication lighter.
Interestingly, I’m not the ex who does the texting; that falls to the person I most recently ended it with.
This is so funny. And so spot-on.
Hi everyone i will never leave behind the help the Mother Esango Shrine render to me in my marital life. i have been married for four years now and my spouse and i love each other very dearly . after three years of our marriage my spouse all of a sudden switch he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was begging for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we pleaded but nothing happen. my spouse just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my spouse and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i eyed someone sharing her testimony on how the Mother Esango help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email of Mother Esango. I told her my problem and i was told to be tranquil that i have come to the right place that i should pack some information concerning my self i did after some time she called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 13days. She told me what went wrong with my spouse and how it happen. that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their Shrine anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my spouse came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don’t you give Mother Esango a attempt she powewerful and kind. i know she will also bring back your hubby. i promise to keep sharing her good work any time i’m on the internet. when ever i come accros a forum like this, i always share the testimony. contact her via esangoshrine@gmail.com or visit her website http://www.esangoshrine.webs.com
My name is Ethan Camel from USA am thirty nine years old i got married at the age of twenty two i have only Two child and i was living gladfully .After six year of my marriage my spouse behavior became so strange and I don’t truly understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never wish’s of losing him, i attempt my possible best to make sure that my spouse get back to me but all to no avail, i sob and sob seeking for help, i discussed it with my best friend Linda and she promise to help me. She told me of a man called DR Shadow, she told me he is a very good man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love and Cancer issues he cannot solve and she told me how he has help uncountable numbers of people in restoring their relationship etc. I was indeed woo, I quickly contacted his cell phone +2348166292265 or email address at drshadow31@gmail.com . I explain all my problem to him, he told me that I should not worry that all my problems will be fine and now am very blessed I with my spouse and my family.
Hi, I and my ex beau broke up about seven weeks now. We’ve been together for four years. We had so many issues during in our relationship. We got engaged and eventually he switched his mind not to get married soon and told me he doesn’t want kids. It broke my heart. He also told me that culture differences is another problem inbetween us. When we broke up I beg many times. He told he doesn’t want to go back in to our relationship and he wants us to budge on. I stayed another two weeks with him while I am looking for a fresh place. we had lovemaking a duo times. He told me he just want us stay as friends.
When I moved out, he didn’t txt or call but when we each other we are fine talking like a friend. Is there anyway that i can win him back? that was the question i asked my sister and she told me he have had an encouter with the famous love doctor and i contacted him and he pleaded for my relationship and my beau came back to me and my relationship was restored and now we will be getting married soon. Please get to know him and ask for his help on (pleaderstosaverelationship@yahoo.com). The love doctor is the best and will help you ��
In all this,I send to my ex something I see there
“Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing”
[…]robinso.buckler @ yahoo . com: Helped to bring My Ex-Husband back with his spiritual power […]
My ex and I broke up about two months ago. I got most of my things back from him one weeks ago, and we had “the talk”. According to him, he found someone better and went for it. He then proceeded to tell me that he’s moved on, and that I should too. I thought it was kinda funny because I have not given him any reaction since we’ve violated up, shown him how pathetic I am, talked to him only when necessary (we work together), but never about us. The thing is, that it’s clear out in the open that was with someone fresh, it confused me why he still stared at me. At very first, I thought it was only my imagination, until other co-workers actually commenced noticing it too. Is he staring at me so that he can feel better that he’s found the “better one”? i wondered. He was also cold towards me at work, which others noticed, I continued being my cheerful self at work from Day one after the breakup, so my friends seem to think that he was attempting to hurt me for not providing any reaction. I still loved him, and wished to get back together with him. I didn’t know this fresh gf did something to him to make him leave behind about me. I got to know after one of my co workers introduced me to Akim who mends violated heart and relationships. Akim helped me break what the female has done on my beau and he came back to me begging me to have him back. we are living together again. Akim’s contact email is prayerstosavemarriage@hotmail.com. Do well to contact him if you’re facing love issues… ��
I have been in a relationship for over two years with my bf all of a unexpected he said he wants a break up, we stopped being close because i got a job so we dont get to dangle out as much as we did b4 and he began dating another chick i dont know her name but that was why he left me i attempted many ways to get him back but to no avail. A friend told me of a man called Dr harrison or Doctor as he is called he helped me with my issue i did not believe in stuff like that but now me and my bf are going strong, i just wished people to know of this wonderful man and his works. You can contact him at Harrisonwells989@outlook.com
Mods – it would be helpful if someone deleted the many spam comments on this thread. (Why is this thread getting hit with nonsense?)
How i restored my violated relationships that later led to marriage,
Hello to the people of this forum< Am Shirly letton stoke from Texas and i can say that am the happiest person on earth since last week with what DR STONE has done for me , it all embarked last year October when my fiance left me in Texas and travel to see his parents in Ohio at very first him was still calling me and demonstrate love even when him was away , but it gets to a point when he no longer gives a shit about me , and i noticed it so when i attempted to confront him , he told me that he dose not love me anymore that he feel like being alone i was shocked and heartbroken when i attempted talking he will drape the phone on me. i was so heart cracked and i was frustrated about this , but on a 2nd thought i was not woo that he was on his right senses so i discuss this with my elder sister who lives in California and she directed me to DR STONE of transfer_access@yahoo.com telling that the man has helped her friend in such case before so i said to my self let me attempted i contacted this man and explain everything to him and behold DR STONE said to me what am to do and i did exactly what he and he said after three days my fiance will call me and once he calls me i should pick the calls and he gave some other instructions . so i said okay , but to my best surprise on the 7th of November my fiancee called me and commenced telling on the phone am sorry it was like a fantasy to me , with this i said i will tell the world of what DR STONE has don in my life , so if any one is out there and needs help in his or her relationship can also contact him today via
he restores violated marriage.
he is also specialize in restoring barrenness and you will conceive.
he can also help you if you have problem in your work place.
his phone number is +2348033721991
ITS VERY NICE CONTEXT TO REFERRED. I SURELY DID AND FOUND IT VERY HELPFUL JUST NOT TO IMPRESS OUR EX BUT TO AVOID WHAT THAT MIGHT HURT THEM BACK LIKE POKING IN THE WOUND. THANKS FOR SUCH AN INTERESTING AND AMAZING ADVICE.
Texting Your Ex-Girlfriend in Five Effortless Steps, Autostraddle
Top Banner Ad for Desktop
This article was posted in The Scene
Article Banner Ad for Desktop
Sometimes you truly need to text your ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t matter how long it has been, how bad your break-up was or the number of years since you both agreed to never speak again. Sometimes you just need to. And if you’ve already made the (possibly inadvisable!) decision to do so, then at least you can do it in the least life-damaging way possible. So here are five super effortless steps to painlessly text your ex.
The very first and most significant step in texting your ex is to maybe not do it at all. Are you tipsy? Are you sad? Do you just want attention? Are you attempting to make someone else jealous? Most importantly, is there someone else you can contact about this issue other than your ex? Maybe an old mutual friend?
YOU CAN OFTEN GOOGLE WHAT YOU WANT TO ASK YOUR EX
As you can see, Option Three provides the only option in which you do not end up howling softly. While there are many times you might want to text your ex, it’s infrequent that you truly need to. “That song we both like came on the radio” is not a good reason to text your ex. “I just eyed the Hangover two — recall that time we were strung up over?” is not a good reason to text your ex. “Mrow” is not a good reason to text your ex. I’m not telling you shouldn’t text her for a valid, fair reasons — even a ordinary congratulations is adequate when it’s due. Just avoid texting your ex for stupid reasons.
On the spin side, you may be in a situation in which you should truly call. If your ex-girlfriend has recently lost a loved one it is much more adequate to call or send a condolence card than a tacky text message. Alternatively if you very earnestly (and not because you’re tipsy/lonely/horny) want to get back together, those sort of steps are best initiated over the phone.
Also never text after 9:30pm because then she’ll think you’re buzzed even if you aren’t.
Step Two: Don’t Mention You’re Not Speaking
If you haven’t spoken to or texted you ex-girlfriend in months/years/decades it might feel weird to just commence telling words on your phone. Whatever you do, don’t lead with “I know we’re not speaking but…” This makes you sound petty and like you haven’t moved on. If you know you’re not speaking then why are you texting her?! (See Step 1.) A better idea is to commence with “Hey.” “Hey” is the official commence of any text to anyone who you don’t normally text. “Hey” makes you look nonchalant and cool like Fonzie.
EXCLAMATION POINTS HELP TOO
Still, particularly if your text is just a quick statement/congratulations, it might be best to forgo the “Hey” and just go for the awkward words from nowhere. In some ways this is even less awkward because it’s almost like you’re just totally normal acquaintance/friends who don’t even have to go through bizarre ex-girlfriend niceties.
Step Trio: Get to the Point
You’re texting your ex for a very specific reason (ahem Step 1) so get on with it already. You should preferably make your point in the very first text message. This isn’t being rude, it’s just normal texting. If you hem and haw for too long your ex might get the wrong message and react accordingly. You don’t need to be rude or curt, just to the point. You’re a busy woman and I’m sure your ex is too so there’s no need to waste anyone’s time.
I NEED THE SLEEPING BAG FOR A-CAMP
Getting to the point leave no room for uncertainty or grey area and prevents you from getting sucked in to an awful long texting conversation.
Step Four: Avoid Relationship Talk
Whatever you do, don’t get sucked back in to your old relationship. Very first of all, don’t talk about your relationship. Not the good parts, not the bad parts, not even things you did together. For the love of G-d don’t talk about how your ex-girlfriend “always does this.” It is neither helpful towards embarking over with someone nor moving on.
2nd, don’t text like you are still in your relationship. Don’t use quirky old pet names or baby-talk text. Avoid emoticons at all cost. You are now two adults who are communicating via a message made up of text. No one needs to write out kitten noises.
Eventually, don’t mention your fresh relationship situation. Even if you would love nothing better than to announce to everyone you meet that you did indeed find someone who would karaoke “Love You Like a Love Song” with you, this is not the time. You would almost undoubtedly be mentioning your fresh damsel just to see your ex’s reaction and that’s not fair to anyone (including but not limited to your fresh gf). Similarly, don’t ask if she’s watching anyone. You most likely don’t want to know anyways and you can always ask her friends.
THERE ARE NO GOOD OPTIONS HERE. YOU Very likely SHOULDN’T Showcase YOUR FACE IN OHIO ANYMORE EITHER
Talking about old/fresh relationships takes all the tact you have inwards of you and texting eliminates all possible tact. Don’t get in to relationship talk, please don’t do it, I think it’s a bad idea, I’m warning you right now, truly I have your back on this one. Don’t do it.
Step Five: Abandon While You’re Ahead
If you managed to get through texting your ex-girlfriend unscathed, then just stop. Did you congratulate her on graduating and she said “Thank you?” Okay, stop. Did she confirm that, yes, that was her old friend from circus camp you ran into? Okay, stop. Did she not react to your text message whatsoever? Okay, stop. You just have to stop texting before someone makes a idiot of themselves (especially you).
SOMETIMES THE BEST THING TO SAY IS NOTHING
I’m going to level with you: this is indeed hard for me. This is hard for a lot of people! You get the ball rolling, you’re talking about yourselves and where you are now and then all of a unexpected you’re nosey if they want to get a drink and catch up. Disaster.
So recall: play it cool, keep it brief and maybe (just maybe) don’t do it at all.
Lizz is a consumer, paramour and writer of all things pop culture and the Style/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also utter time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.
Lizz has written two hundred seventy six articles for us.
You May Also Like.
Post navigation
Desktop
Mobile
one hundred twenty three Comments
This is possibly my favourite article of all time.
This is amazing. Not like I’d ever text my ex because my gf is smokin’ (she’s wise too), but still a very delightful article.
My life last night unluckily,
this article is well timed, or ill timed, observing as I didn’t have any kind of sense and texted her :/ I was due for a good sob anyway I guess.
Lizz, this is awemazing.
Also, if your ex has a common name, it’s a good idea to switch her name in your phone. Texting her instead of a friend with the same name can lead to some indeed awkward situations. Not that I know from practice or anything.
This! Where were you after my last (very ugly) breakup when I texted my ex, whose name starts with the same letter as my best friend, pictures of the kitten my fresh gf got me?! Not to mention all the erupting about how amazing she is that went along with said kitten pics. Might I just say the response was less than civil. Indeed could’ve used this bit of advice!
After a breakup (or fight when I’m still pissy), I just switch the name to “Nonononononononono” or “Don’t. Stop.” or “Don’t you dare” or something else to remind me that I certainly should not be texting this person. I block them on FB and talk until I feel like I can deal. It is helpful. I don’t like to lose my temper or have emotional scenes. I choose to be a robot. A hook-up robot.
Certainly this. I have a duo people labeled as “DO NOT PICK UP.” My phone gets a lot of wrong numbers thanks to being a similar number to the local SPCA, so I pick up if I don’t recognize the number itself so I can reroute people. I would never want that person to be a surprise ex, ew….
If it’s an ugly break up, I just delete her from my phone. My phone has a nasty habit of randomly resending old texts when it boots up. So I’ve texted exes without even sending a text. In general, I find just removing her from the phone solves a lot of problems.
Yea i support thats right to just delete her num from ur phone, bcuz if it stays there u may want to text or call her if u sees her name and num .
As someone who’s been on the other side of this situation, this is a good idea. No one wants to get flirty texts from an ex she’s not over when those texts are meant for someone else. It fukkin deep-throats.
So true! I wouldn’t call this one lady an ex gf but she’s kinda one and because of Tegan and Sara’s song Bad Idea I’ve switched her name to Bad Idea so I permanently remind myself not to text her when I’m buzzed or therefore seeking attention.
‘Avoiding Relationship Talk’ is the best advice ever. Went down that road with my ex the entire time since we broke up e.g X has a fresh album out, recall how much joy that concert was. We met up before I’d moved on to detect she had. So many lesbians I know are friends with their exes and it’s all good, glad to know I’m not the only one out there incapable of it
How did you know I was fighting the urge to text my ex? How, Autostraddle? Are you psychic?
this is relevant to my life
My ex once texted me: “You’ll never find anyone else like me again” My very first thought was I fucking hope not! I didn’t want you so why would I want anyone LIKE YOU? So yeah..nothing good can come of texting your ex..
Sounds awful. One of these sorts of things – http://xkcd.com/1042 ?
You just…get me…breathe (pulls out world map and traces the distance to Australia)
I feel that. My gf’s ex texted her “You’re still my weakness.” BITCH. STEP. OFF.
Me being the one to find that text because I was using her phone to check the weather that morning was bad news bears.
Once my ex texted me a photo of herself before a date and asked, “Is the tie too much?”
This is not a good thing to text your ex.
I would have been tempted to tell her to drape herself with that tie. I am vindictive.
Liz you’re a genius. Thank you for the reminders on these very key abilities, homegirl.
This is the best and most significant advice ever written on autostraddle dot commmmmm
Fantastic examples! I would be so upset if someone threatened to have her mom burn my good sleeping bag.
Yes, all of this. I have no further feelings I can discuss without hitting something.
This is hilarious. Even as old and wise as I am (ha), I know I would make every texting mistake listed here.
This is my fresh bible.
Step four is especially relevant. Thanks for helping me navigate the murky waters!
Soooo…going to plays your ex stage manages, and inviting her to derby bouts…that’s cool, however, right?
i have violated all of these rules. whoops
you and me both mate
i very likely have cracked each one of these rules tonight as a matter of fact
some people never learn
this is relevant for me.
it would be relevant for me ex, too.
oops, typo. i swear i don’t usually talk like a pirate.
What’s the protocol for when your ex, whom you haven’t spoken to in months, feels the need to text you and let you know you will not be invited to her upcoming wedding–to a man? Umm, it would’ve been more awkward to actually get invited I think.
I’ll see your disregard and raise you a B L O C K that shit, son.
just to be clear, i shouldn’t text my ex a link to this article, right?
What if I send it to your ex and you send it to mine?
Umm, my thoughts exactly! Anyone want to do me a giant favor and send it to her? She needs these lessons.
I feel like if I was a grown up none of this would surprise me but I’m not so thank you o god of autostraddle
I can testify about not toasted testing. Stone cold sober wasn’t any better.
Wow, super timely advice. I attempted to text my ex a few weeks ago, while toasted. Turns out he switched his number, so that bullet was dodged.
So in this post, I’m the texter on the left, right?
“Mrow” is not a good reason to text your ex.
I have an ex listed in my phone as ” no buzzed dial!” for this very reason.
Christ, this was hilarious. Thank you for making my morning ideal!
I texted my ex two days ago after over a year of not speaking.
Liz is in my brain.
(I didn’t break any of your rules either!)
thanks to ASHRA spells, your spell worked within 48hours Just as you promised,my ex called me in the middle of the night pleading for me to forgive him, I am now reunited with the person I love. I am more satisfied than I’ve ever been as I can now look to an amazing future with thought I’d lost for good.
Todd, Derby England UK
Brilliant! Simply brilliant.
Hahaha so funny!
Thank you for saving my dignity. and my good sleeping bag.
I don’t have texting, and even tho’ I feel like I’m in the stone age right now, this article was fine. Texting is so complicated! I’ll stick to inebriated facebook messages.
don’t be insensitive, maybe she just has a jitterbug
I wish I could say I had a jitterbug, that thing looks like it could withstand a nuclear attack. You funny people, you make me giggle.
i think that would actually be the lacucaracha model
“Also never text after 9:30pm because then she’ll think you’re tipsy even if you aren’t.”
these are the truest and best words anyone has ever typed
Is there a text to make sure your ex is alive when she lives in the boonies and there are forest fires?
Send carrier pigeons…I’m guessing they know how to treat that sort of thing.
Unluckily I was serious… I looked up the forest fires online instead…. other side of her town… *breathe of ease* no need to text
one time i switched my ex’s name in my phone to ‘bad idea’. helped with the agh-i-need-to-text urges.
My friend did this for me! And then she told me she got the idea from something Tegan had said, and so to this day I still have a contact called BAD IDEA
asdfghjkl yes thank you.
This is my beloved article of all time. It’s funny cause it’s true. There have been so many times I have made this mistake in the past.
Lizzzzzzzzzz, I ALREADY TEXTED HER. D: Why did article not happen before her bday last week?! Now I’m in all kinds of awkward angst/confusion. =\
but what if you’re toasted, lonely, and horny. what then
that’s what asschat is for.
this explains why i’ve been wake up confused, pants less, and still on cam
I’ll message you my number
Ahhh good timing on this, especially the “abandon while you’re ahead” part
I violated Step two about ten minutes before I witnessed this article.
I’ve never had to text an ex, but now I feel ready if I ever have to. I especially liked the sample conversations. Good article!
“You can often google what you want to text your ex”
(But google won’t tell me the reaction like she would. . .)
No sleeping bag is worth the next ten hours of shame drinks, subsequent shame hangover and unpreventable shame-i-told-my-best-friend-and-now-I’m-crying-at-Starbucks-confession
Gratefully I haven’t cracked any of these rules, but now I despairingly want to text ‘Mrow’ to someone and see how they react.
I pretty much exclusively text in cat noises.
I LOVE SPECIFIC EXAMPLES THEY ENHANCE MY COMPREHENSION
My ex-gf texted me today asking if she could stay with me (at my parents house?) while in town next weekend.
I said HELL TO THE NO GURL (in more polite terms).
I wish I could send myself a congratulations text, that’s how proud I am.
ps I want to (somehow) embark using “I’ll have my mom burn your sleeping bag.”
lol ami you should have just said that and your ex would’ve been SO confused
but gravely – is that bitch high?
its been said, but. this is legitimately extra-important for my actual life.
Presently violating pretty much all of these rules. Attempting to stay friends after she moved to another country was possibly not the smartest budge I’ve made. Unluckily, this communication is also happening on facebook, which opens a entire can of other worms, the thickest, grossest, most gut-wrenching-if-eaten being the fact that all previous messages are stored IN THE SAME FUCKING CONVERSATION. One unfortunate click, and it’s all there in front of you. This made me realize I’m an idiot. Goodnight.
I wish I could go back in time and send this to a few of my friends
My ex just sent me the link to this article.
NO EMOTICONS. I totally agree. I asked a plain question to my ex once and put a smiley face at the end because I desired it to be light-hearted and nice sounding but NOOOOOOOO… the smiley face said WAY
more than I thought even possible.
“I thought since you put a smiley face in your text message that this meant we could open up our communication.”
NO WAY!! Damn emoticons.
I had to deal with an outpouring of trapped emotions and then got called a “bitch spinned up in chocolate and covered in a colorful candy glazed shell.”
Best insult ever… but the text got totally way off base from my original intention.
It is very interesting. I put a smiley face at the end of my e-mail message. He called the next day and we met after Two.Five years of no contact. He suggested to be friends. Nex time I e-mailed him and closed with “hugs”. He was suppose to call me six weeks ago..but has not… Any ideas? Was it too much? Now I am thinking what to do next.
Earnestly I can’t with AS sometimes, this was just too funny and real!
I recall an ex texted me a mischievous underwear pic of herself and was like, “miss this?” I thought she might have texted that pic to the wrong person (me) but no she knew my weakness for garter belts and hip high silk stockings. It was a trap a sexy sexy trap. A trap I fell into and feared I would never get back out.
I wish I had this article then but nooooo…..I suffered *more* three weeks of anguish, confusion, processing overloads, and more confusion.
I learned to not date people who I am too sexually compatible with but fail dreadfully with everything else. Balance is key.
your ex know my weakness as well, can send that sexy trap to my phone?
Balance is key, but I haven’t ever had an ex who didn’t lack a flair for drama. Having ATT, I can’t block anyone to save my life. I’d love to have had sent this to my exes and myself at least a few times in my life. This is the most entertaining AS article yet that has hit close to home.
good boundaries make superb exes. Awesome article!
Never ever ever text an ex! Like ever!
Was the article written SPECIFICALLY for me in the wake of a latest breakup? Bad decisions = adverted. Zero cracks in non-communication. Why yes, I will pat myself on the back.
Dilemma: Deleted ex’s # from the phone to avoid texting but you still reminisce her digits on top of your head. Dang! #veryme
hahahaha i still can’t stop laughing about the “ill have my mom burn your sleeping bag”
Ugh, I made that mistake a month ago! I wish I’d seen this article earlier but it certainly gave me a good laugh hahha! Well done.
this never fails- “Error message 404: network temporarily unavailable”
Common sense, it’s never to late to commence practising it.
If I hadn’t blocked, deleted, overlooked & attempted to leave behind my ex, I’d SOOOOOO be sending this article to her. Can someone do it for me, puleeeeze.
There truly is no good reason to text an ex. Unless you are good mates and there’s absolutely NOTHING in the way of feelings either way left..
This is so goddamn brilliant. The “weigh your options” demonstrations with the potential results had me in tears. Well done.
This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my paramour away from me and my hubby left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man Dr Zara have helped someone and i determined to give him a attempt to help me bring my paramour back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my spouse and after 48hours as he have told me, i spotted a car drove into the house and behold it was my spouse and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am blessed to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your paramour back to your self. His email: truegiftspell@gmail.com
Oh, joy. Roll your -metaphorical- nut sack ladies. Just… roll the ball. Pass it on. Someone might catch it, and roll it back. My two cents. xD
I have mixed feelings about texting exes. I generally attempt to avoid it, and if I have something I indeed need to say to them I do it over Facebook. (I go on Facebook less often than I check my messages, and therefore it helps me not obsess over what they might react with.)
I think it helps too that for the most part I am friends with my exes, which makes communication lighter.
Interestingly, I’m not the ex who does the texting; that falls to the person I most recently ended it with.
This is so funny. And so spot-on.
Hi everyone i will never leave behind the help the Mother Esango Shrine render to me in my marital life. i have been married for four years now and my hubby and i love each other very dearly . after three years of our marriage my spouse all of a sudden switch he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was begging for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we begged but nothing happen. my hubby just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my spouse and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i eyed someone sharing her testimony on how the Mother Esango help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email of Mother Esango. I told her my problem and i was told to be peaceful that i have come to the right place that i should pack some information concerning my self i did after some time she called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 13days. She told me what went wrong with my spouse and how it happen. that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their Shrine anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my hubby came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don’t you give Mother Esango a attempt she powewerful and kind. i know she will also bring back your hubby. i promise to keep sharing her good work any time i’m on the internet. when ever i come accros a forum like this, i always share the testimony. contact her via esangoshrine@gmail.com or visit her website http://www.esangoshrine.webs.com
My name is Ethan Camel from USA am thirty nine years old i got married at the age of twenty two i have only Two child and i was living joyfully .After six year of my marriage my hubby behavior became so strange and I don’t indeed understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never desire’s of losing him, i attempt my possible best to make sure that my spouse get back to me but all to no avail, i sob and sob seeking for help, i discussed it with my best friend Linda and she promise to help me. She told me of a man called DR Shadow, she told me he is a very fine man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love and Cancer issues he cannot solve and she told me how he has help uncountable numbers of people in restoring their relationship etc. I was indeed woo, I quickly contacted his cell phone +2348166292265 or email address at drshadow31@gmail.com . I explain all my problem to him, he told me that I should not worry that all my problems will be fine and now am very blessed I with my spouse and my family.
Hi, I and my ex bf broke up about seven weeks now. We’ve been together for four years. We had so many issues during in our relationship. We got engaged and eventually he switched his mind not to get married soon and told me he doesn’t want kids. It broke my heart. He also told me that culture differences is another problem inbetween us. When we broke up I beg many times. He told he doesn’t want to go back in to our relationship and he wants us to stir on. I stayed another two weeks with him while I am looking for a fresh place. we had lovemaking a duo times. He told me he just want us stay as friends.
When I moved out, he didn’t txt or call but when we each other we are fine talking like a friend. Is there anyway that i can win him back? that was the question i asked my sister and she told me he have had an encouter with the famous love doctor and i contacted him and he pleaded for my relationship and my beau came back to me and my relationship was restored and now we will be getting married soon. Please get to know him and ask for his help on (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com). The love doctor is the best and will help you ��
In all this,I send to my ex something I see there
“Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing”
[…]robinso.buckler @ yahoo . com: Helped to bring My Ex-Husband back with his spiritual power […]
My ex and I broke up about two months ago. I got most of my things back from him one weeks ago, and we had “the talk”. According to him, he found someone better and went for it. He then proceeded to tell me that he’s moved on, and that I should too. I thought it was kinda funny because I have not given him any reaction since we’ve cracked up, shown him how pathetic I am, talked to him only when necessary (we work together), but never about us. The thing is, that it’s clear out in the open that was with someone fresh, it confused me why he still stared at me. At very first, I thought it was only my imagination, until other co-workers actually commenced noticing it too. Is he staring at me so that he can feel better that he’s found the “better one”? i wondered. He was also cold towards me at work, which others noticed, I continued being my cheerful self at work from Day one after the breakup, so my friends seem to think that he was attempting to hurt me for not providing any reaction. I still loved him, and dreamed to get back together with him. I didn’t know this fresh gf did something to him to make him leave behind about me. I got to know after one of my co workers introduced me to Akim who mends cracked heart and relationships. Akim helped me break what the female has done on my bf and he came back to me begging me to have him back. we are living together again. Akim’s contact email is prayerstosavemarriage@hotmail.com. Do well to contact him if you’re facing love issues… ��
I have been in a relationship for over two years with my bf all of a unexpected he said he wants a break up, we stopped being close because i got a job so we dont get to suspend out as much as we did b4 and he commenced dating another female i dont know her name but that was why he left me i attempted many ways to get him back but to no avail. A friend told me of a man called Dr harrison or Doctor as he is called he helped me with my issue i did not believe in stuff like that but now me and my bf are going strong, i just dreamed people to know of this wonderful man and his works. You can contact him at Harrisonwells989@outlook.com
Mods – it would be helpful if someone deleted the many spam comments on this thread. (Why is this thread getting hit with nonsense?)
How i restored my violated relationships that later led to marriage,
Hello to the people of this forum< Am Shirly letton stoke from Texas and i can say that am the happiest person on earth since last week with what DR STONE has done for me , it all embarked last year October when my fiance left me in Texas and travel to see his parents in Ohio at very first him was still calling me and display love even when him was away , but it gets to a point when he no longer gives a shit about me , and i noticed it so when i attempted to confront him , he told me that he dose not love me anymore that he feel like being alone i was shocked and heartbroken when i attempted talking he will string up the phone on me. i was so heart violated and i was frustrated about this , but on a 2nd thought i was not coax that he was on his right senses so i discuss this with my elder sister who lives in California and she directed me to DR STONE of transfer_access@yahoo.com telling that the man has helped her friend in such case before so i said to my self let me attempted i contacted this man and explain everything to him and behold DR STONE said to me what am to do and i did exactly what he and he said after three days my fiance will call me and once he calls me i should pick the calls and he gave some other instructions . so i said okay , but to my best surprise on the 7th of November my fiancee called me and began telling on the phone am sorry it was like a wish to me , with this i said i will tell the world of what DR STONE has don in my life , so if any one is out there and needs help in his or her relationship can also contact him today via
he restores violated marriage.
he is also specialize in restoring barrenness and you will conceive.
he can also help you if you have problem in your work place.
his phone number is +2348033721991
ITS VERY NICE CONTEXT TO REFERRED. I SURELY DID AND FOUND IT VERY HELPFUL JUST NOT TO IMPRESS OUR EX BUT TO AVOID WHAT THAT MIGHT HURT THEM BACK LIKE POKING IN THE WOUND. THANKS FOR SUCH AN INTERESTING AND AMAZING ADVICE.
Texting Your Ex-Girlfriend in Five Effortless Steps, Autostraddle
Top Banner Ad for Desktop
This article was posted in The Scene
Article Banner Ad for Desktop
Sometimes you indeed need to text your ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t matter how long it has been, how bad your break-up was or the number of years since you both agreed to never speak again. Sometimes you just need to. And if you’ve already made the (possibly inadvisable!) decision to do so, then at least you can do it in the least life-damaging way possible. So here are five super effortless steps to painlessly text your ex.
The very first and most significant step in texting your ex is to maybe not do it at all. Are you buzzed? Are you sad? Do you just want attention? Are you attempting to make someone else jealous? Most importantly, is there someone else you can contact about this issue other than your ex? Maybe an old mutual friend?
YOU CAN OFTEN GOOGLE WHAT YOU WANT TO ASK YOUR EX
As you can see, Option Three provides the only option in which you do not end up howling softly. While there are many times you might want to text your ex, it’s uncommon that you truly need to. “That song we both like came on the radio” is not a good reason to text your ex. “I just spotted the Hangover two — reminisce that time we were strung up over?” is not a good reason to text your ex. “Mrow” is not a good reason to text your ex. I’m not telling you shouldn’t text her for a valid, fair reasons — even a elementary congratulations is suitable when it’s due. Just avoid texting your ex for stupid reasons.
On the spin side, you may be in a situation in which you should truly call. If your ex-girlfriend has recently lost a loved one it is much more adequate to call or send a condolence card than a tacky text message. Alternatively if you very gravely (and not because you’re buzzed/lonely/horny) want to get back together, those sort of steps are best initiated over the phone.
Also never text after 9:30pm because then she’ll think you’re tipsy even if you aren’t.
Step Two: Don’t Mention You’re Not Speaking
If you haven’t spoken to or texted you ex-girlfriend in months/years/decades it might feel weird to just embark telling words on your phone. Whatever you do, don’t lead with “I know we’re not speaking but…” This makes you sound petty and like you haven’t moved on. If you know you’re not speaking then why are you texting her?! (See Step 1.) A better idea is to embark with “Hey.” “Hey” is the official embark of any text to anyone who you don’t normally text. “Hey” makes you look nonchalant and cool like Fonzie.
EXCLAMATION POINTS HELP TOO
Still, particularly if your text is just a quick statement/congratulations, it might be best to forgo the “Hey” and just go for the awkward words from nowhere. In some ways this is even less awkward because it’s almost like you’re just totally normal acquaintance/friends who don’t even have to go through bizarre ex-girlfriend niceties.
Step Three: Get to the Point
You’re texting your ex for a very specific reason (ahem Step 1) so get on with it already. You should preferably make your point in the very first text message. This isn’t being rude, it’s just normal texting. If you hem and haw for too long your ex might get the wrong message and react accordingly. You don’t need to be rude or curt, just to the point. You’re a busy woman and I’m sure your ex is too so there’s no need to waste anyone’s time.
I NEED THE SLEEPING BAG FOR A-CAMP
Getting to the point leave no room for uncertainty or grey area and prevents you from getting sucked in to an awful long texting conversation.
Step Four: Avoid Relationship Talk
Whatever you do, don’t get sucked back in to your old relationship. Very first of all, don’t talk about your relationship. Not the good parts, not the bad parts, not even things you did together. For the love of G-d don’t talk about how your ex-girlfriend “always does this.” It is neither helpful towards commencing over with someone nor moving on.
2nd, don’t text like you are still in your relationship. Don’t use quirky old pet names or baby-talk text. Avoid emoticons at all cost. You are now two adults who are communicating via a message made up of text. No one needs to write out kitten noises.
Eventually, don’t mention your fresh relationship situation. Even if you would love nothing better than to announce to everyone you meet that you did indeed find someone who would karaoke “Love You Like a Love Song” with you, this is not the time. You would almost certainly be mentioning your fresh dame just to see your ex’s reaction and that’s not fair to anyone (including but not limited to your fresh gf). Similarly, don’t ask if she’s witnessing anyone. You most likely don’t want to know anyways and you can always ask her friends.
THERE ARE NO GOOD OPTIONS HERE. YOU Very likely SHOULDN’T Display YOUR FACE IN OHIO ANYMORE EITHER
Talking about old/fresh relationships takes all the tact you have inwards of you and texting liquidates all possible tact. Don’t get in to relationship talk, please don’t do it, I think it’s a bad idea, I’m warning you right now, truly I have your back on this one. Don’t do it.
Step Five: Abandon While You’re Ahead
If you managed to get through texting your ex-girlfriend unscathed, then just stop. Did you congratulate her on graduating and she said “Thank you?” Okay, stop. Did she confirm that, yes, that was her old friend from circus camp you ran into? Okay, stop. Did she not react to your text message whatsoever? Okay, stop. You just have to stop texting before someone makes a idiot of themselves (especially you).
SOMETIMES THE BEST THING TO SAY IS NOTHING
I’m going to level with you: this is indeed hard for me. This is hard for a lot of people! You get the ball rolling, you’re talking about yourselves and where you are now and then all of a unexpected you’re nosey if they want to get a drink and catch up. Disaster.
So recall: play it cool, keep it brief and maybe (just maybe) don’t do it at all.
Lizz is a consumer, paramour and writer of all things pop culture and the Style/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also utter time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.
Lizz has written two hundred seventy six articles for us.
You May Also Like.
Post navigation
Desktop
Mobile
one hundred twenty three Comments
This is possibly my favourite article of all time.
This is amazing. Not like I’d ever text my ex because my gf is smokin’ (she’s wise too), but still a very delightful article.
My life last night unluckily,
this article is well timed, or ill timed, watching as I didn’t have any kind of sense and texted her :/ I was due for a good sob anyway I guess.
Lizz, this is awemazing.
Also, if your ex has a common name, it’s a good idea to switch her name in your phone. Texting her instead of a friend with the same name can lead to some indeed awkward situations. Not that I know from practice or anything.
This! Where were you after my last (very ugly) breakup when I texted my ex, whose name starts with the same letter as my best friend, pictures of the kitten my fresh gf got me?! Not to mention all the spewing out about how amazing she is that went along with said kitten pics. Might I just say the response was less than civil. Indeed could’ve used this bit of advice!
After a breakup (or fight when I’m still pissy), I just switch the name to “Nonononononononono” or “Don’t. Stop.” or “Don’t you dare” or something else to remind me that I undoubtedly should not be texting this person. I block them on FB and talk until I feel like I can deal. It is helpful. I don’t like to lose my temper or have emotional scenes. I choose to be a robot. A lovemaking robot.
Undoubtedly this. I have a duo people labeled as “DO NOT PICK UP.” My phone gets a lot of wrong numbers thanks to being a similar number to the local SPCA, so I pick up if I don’t recognize the number itself so I can reroute people. I would never want that person to be a surprise ex, ew….
If it’s an ugly break up, I just delete her from my phone. My phone has a nasty habit of randomly resending old texts when it boots up. So I’ve texted exes without even sending a text. In general, I find just removing her from the phone solves a lot of problems.
Yea i support thats right to just delete her num from ur phone, bcuz if it stays there u may want to text or call her if u sees her name and num .
As someone who’s been on the other side of this situation, this is a fine idea. No one wants to get flirty texts from an ex she’s not over when those texts are meant for someone else. It fukkin deepthroats.
So true! I wouldn’t call this one damsel an ex gf but she’s kinda one and because of Tegan and Sara’s song Bad Idea I’ve switched her name to Bad Idea so I permanently remind myself not to text her when I’m tipsy or therefore seeking attention.
‘Avoiding Relationship Talk’ is the best advice ever. Went down that road with my ex the entire time since we broke up e.g X has a fresh album out, reminisce how much joy that concert was. We met up before I’d moved on to detect she had. So many lesbians I know are friends with their exes and it’s all good, glad to know I’m not the only one out there incapable of it
How did you know I was fighting the urge to text my ex? How, Autostraddle? Are you psychic?
this is relevant to my life
My ex once texted me: “You’ll never find anyone else like me again” My very first thought was I fucking hope not! I didn’t want you so why would I want anyone LIKE YOU? So yeah..nothing good can come of texting your ex..
Sounds awful. One of these sorts of things – http://xkcd.com/1042 ?
You just…get me…breathe (pulls out world map and traces the distance to Australia)
I feel that. My gf’s ex texted her “You’re still my weakness.” BITCH. STEP. OFF.
Me being the one to find that text because I was using her phone to check the weather that morning was bad news bears.
Once my ex texted me a photo of herself before a date and asked, “Is the tie too much?”
This is not a good thing to text your ex.
I would have been tempted to tell her to suspend herself with that tie. I am vindictive.
Liz you’re a genius. Thank you for the reminders on these very key abilities, homegirl.
This is the best and most significant advice ever written on autostraddle dot commmmmm
Fantastic examples! I would be so upset if someone threatened to have her mom burn my good sleeping bag.
Yes, all of this. I have no further feelings I can discuss without hitting something.
This is hilarious. Even as old and wise as I am (ha), I know I would make every texting mistake listed here.
This is my fresh bible.
Step four is especially relevant. Thanks for helping me navigate the murky waters!
Soooo…going to plays your ex stage manages, and inviting her to derby bouts…that’s cool, however, right?
i have cracked all of these rules. whoops
you and me both mate
i very likely have violated each one of these rules tonight as a matter of fact
some people never learn
this is relevant for me.
it would be relevant for me ex, too.
oops, typo. i swear i don’t usually talk like a pirate.
What’s the protocol for when your ex, whom you haven’t spoken to in months, feels the need to text you and let you know you will not be invited to her upcoming wedding–to a man? Umm, it would’ve been more awkward to actually get invited I think.
I’ll see your disregard and raise you a B L O C K that shit, son.
just to be clear, i shouldn’t text my ex a link to this article, right?
What if I send it to your ex and you send it to mine?
Umm, my thoughts exactly! Anyone want to do me a giant favor and send it to her? She needs these lessons.
I feel like if I was a grown up none of this would surprise me but I’m not so thank you o god of autostraddle
I can testify about not toasted testing. Stone cold sober wasn’t any better.
Wow, super timely advice. I attempted to text my ex a few weeks ago, while inebriated. Turns out he switched his number, so that bullet was dodged.
So in this post, I’m the texter on the left, right?
“Mrow” is not a good reason to text your ex.
I have an ex listed in my phone as ” no toasted dial!” for this very reason.
Christ, this was hilarious. Thank you for making my morning ideal!
I texted my ex two days ago after over a year of not speaking.
Liz is in my brain.
(I didn’t break any of your rules either!)
thanks to ASHRA spells, your spell worked within 48hours Just as you promised,my ex called me in the middle of the night pleading for me to forgive him, I am now reunited with the person I love. I am more satisfied than I’ve ever been as I can now look to an amazing future with thought I’d lost for good.
Todd, Derby England UK
Brilliant! Simply brilliant.
Hahaha so funny!
Thank you for saving my dignity. and my good sleeping bag.
I don’t have texting, and even however I feel like I’m in the stone age right now, this article was superb. Texting is so complicated! I’ll stick to buzzed facebook messages.
don’t be insensitive, maybe she just has a jitterbug
I wish I could say I had a jitterbug, that thing looks like it could withstand a nuclear attack. You funny people, you make me giggle.
i think that would actually be the lacucaracha model
“Also never text after 9:30pm because then she’ll think you’re inebriated even if you aren’t.”
these are the truest and best words anyone has ever typed
Is there a text to make sure your ex is alive when she lives in the boonies and there are forest fires?
Send carrier pigeons…I’m guessing they know how to treat that sort of thing.
Unluckily I was serious… I looked up the forest fires online instead…. other side of her town… *breathe of ease* no need to text
one time i switched my ex’s name in my phone to ‘bad idea’. helped with the agh-i-need-to-text urges.
My friend did this for me! And then she told me she got the idea from something Tegan had said, and so to this day I still have a contact called BAD IDEA
asdfghjkl yes thank you.
This is my beloved article of all time. It’s funny cause it’s true. There have been so many times I have made this mistake in the past.
Lizzzzzzzzzz, I ALREADY TEXTED HER. D: Why did article not happen before her bday last week?! Now I’m in all kinds of awkward angst/confusion. =\
but what if you’re toasted, lonely, and horny. what then
that’s what asschat is for.
this explains why i’ve been wake up confused, pants less, and still on cam
I’ll message you my number
Ahhh good timing on this, especially the “abandon while you’re ahead” part
I violated Step two about ten minutes before I spotted this article.
I’ve never had to text an ex, but now I feel ready if I ever have to. I especially loved the sample conversations. Good article!
“You can often google what you want to text your ex”
(But google won’t tell me the reaction like she would. . .)
No sleeping bag is worth the next ten hours of shame drinks, subsequent shame hangover and inescapable shame-i-told-my-best-friend-and-now-I’m-crying-at-Starbucks-confession
Gratefully I haven’t violated any of these rules, but now I despairingly want to text ‘Mrow’ to someone and see how they react.
I pretty much exclusively text in cat noises.
I LOVE SPECIFIC EXAMPLES THEY ENHANCE MY COMPREHENSION
My ex-gf texted me today asking if she could stay with me (at my parents house?) while in town next weekend.
I said HELL TO THE NO GURL (in more polite terms).
I wish I could send myself a congratulations text, that’s how proud I am.
ps I want to (somehow) commence using “I’ll have my mom burn your sleeping bag.”
lol ami you should have just said that and your ex would’ve been SO confused
but earnestly – is that bitch high?
its been said, but. this is legitimately extra-important for my actual life.
Presently cracking pretty much all of these rules. Attempting to stay friends after she moved to another country was possibly not the smartest budge I’ve made. Unluckily, this communication is also happening on facebook, which opens a entire can of other worms, the largest, grossest, most gut-wrenching-if-eaten being the fact that all previous messages are stored IN THE SAME FUCKING CONVERSATION. One unfortunate click, and it’s all there in front of you. This made me realize I’m an idiot. Goodnight.
I wish I could go back in time and send this to a few of my friends
My ex just sent me the link to this article.
NO EMOTICONS. I totally agree. I asked a plain question to my ex once and put a smiley face at the end because I desired it to be light-hearted and nice sounding but NOOOOOOOO… the smiley face said WAY
more than I thought even possible.
“I thought since you put a smiley face in your text message that this meant we could open up our communication.”
NO WAY!! Damn emoticons.
I had to deal with an outpouring of trapped emotions and then got called a “bitch flipped up in chocolate and covered in a colorful candy glazed shell.”
Best insult ever… but the text got totally way off base from my original intention.
It is very interesting. I put a smiley face at the end of my e-mail message. He called the next day and we met after Two.Five years of no contact. He suggested to be friends. Nex time I e-mailed him and closed with “hugs”. He was suppose to call me six weeks ago..but has not… Any ideas? Was it too much? Now I am thinking what to do next.
Gravely I can’t with AS sometimes, this was just too funny and real!
I reminisce an ex texted me a insane underwear pic of herself and was like, “miss this?” I thought she might have texted that pic to the wrong person (me) but no she knew my weakness for garter belts and hip high silk stockings. It was a trap a sexy sexy trap. A trap I fell into and feared I would never get back out.
I wish I had this article then but nooooo…..I suffered *more* three weeks of ache, confusion, processing overloads, and more confusion.
I learned to not date people who I am too sexually compatible with but fail dreadfully with everything else. Balance is key.
your ex know my weakness as well, can send that sexy trap to my phone?
Balance is key, but I haven’t ever had an ex who didn’t lack a flair for drama. Having ATT, I can’t block anyone to save my life. I’d love to have had sent this to my exes and myself at least a few times in my life. This is the most entertaining AS article yet that has hit close to home.
good boundaries make good exes. Awesome article!
Never ever ever text an ex! Like ever!
Was the article written SPECIFICALLY for me in the wake of a latest breakup? Bad decisions = adverted. Zero cracks in non-communication. Why yes, I will pat myself on the back.
Dilemma: Deleted ex’s # from the phone to avoid texting but you still reminisce her digits on top of your head. Dang! #veryme
hahahaha i still can’t stop laughing about the “ill have my mom burn your sleeping bag”
Ugh, I made that mistake a month ago! I wish I’d seen this article earlier but it undoubtedly gave me a good laugh hahha! Well done.
this never fails- “Error message 404: network temporarily unavailable”
Common sense, it’s never to late to embark practising it.
If I hadn’t blocked, deleted, disregarded & attempted to leave behind my ex, I’d SOOOOOO be sending this article to her. Can someone do it for me, puleeeeze.
There truly is no good reason to text an ex. Unless you are good mates and there’s absolutely NOTHING in the way of feelings either way left..
This is so goddamn brilliant. The “weigh your options” demonstrations with the potential results had me in tears. Well done.
This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my paramour away from me and my hubby left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man Dr Zara have helped someone and i determined to give him a attempt to help me bring my paramour back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my spouse and after 48hours as he have told me, i witnessed a car drove into the house and behold it was my hubby and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am blessed to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your paramour back to your self. His email: truegiftspell@gmail.com
Oh, joy. Roll your -metaphorical- pouch ladies. Just… roll the ball. Pass it on. Someone might catch it, and roll it back. My two cents. xD
I have mixed feelings about texting exes. I generally attempt to avoid it, and if I have something I indeed need to say to them I do it over Facebook. (I go on Facebook less often than I check my messages, and therefore it helps me not obsess over what they might react with.)
I think it helps too that for the most part I am friends with my exes, which makes communication lighter.
Interestingly, I’m not the ex who does the texting; that falls to the person I most recently ended it with.
This is so funny. And so spot-on.
Hi everyone i will never leave behind the help the Mother Esango Shrine render to me in my marital life. i have been married for four years now and my spouse and i love each other very dearly . after three years of our marriage my spouse all of a sudden switch he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was asking for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we pleaded but nothing happen. my hubby just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my spouse and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i spotted someone sharing her testimony on how the Mother Esango help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email of Mother Esango. I told her my problem and i was told to be tranquil that i have come to the right place that i should pack some information concerning my self i did after some time she called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 13days. She told me what went wrong with my spouse and how it happen. that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their Shrine anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my hubby came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don’t you give Mother Esango a attempt she powewerful and kind. i know she will also bring back your spouse. i promise to keep sharing her good work any time i’m on the internet. when ever i come accros a forum like this, i always share the testimony. contact her via esangoshrine@gmail.com or visit her website http://www.esangoshrine.webs.com
My name is Ethan Camel from USA am thirty nine years old i got married at the age of twenty two i have only Two child and i was living gladfully .After six year of my marriage my hubby behavior became so strange and I don’t truly understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never desire’s of losing him, i attempt my possible best to make sure that my hubby get back to me but all to no avail, i sob and sob seeking for help, i discussed it with my best friend Linda and she promise to help me. She told me of a man called DR Shadow, she told me he is a very good man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love and Cancer issues he cannot solve and she told me how he has help uncountable numbers of people in restoring their relationship etc. I was truly woo, I quickly contacted his cell phone +2348166292265 or email address at drshadow31@gmail.com . I explain all my problem to him, he told me that I should not worry that all my problems will be fine and now am very glad I with my spouse and my family.
Hi, I and my ex beau broke up about seven weeks now. We’ve been together for four years. We had so many issues during in our relationship. We got engaged and eventually he switched his mind not to get married soon and told me he doesn’t want kids. It broke my heart. He also told me that culture differences is another problem inbetween us. When we broke up I beg many times. He told he doesn’t want to go back in to our relationship and he wants us to budge on. I stayed another two weeks with him while I am looking for a fresh place. we had hook-up a duo times. He told me he just want us stay as friends.
When I moved out, he didn’t txt or call but when we each other we are fine talking like a friend. Is there anyway that i can win him back? that was the question i asked my sister and she told me he have had an encouter with the famous love doctor and i contacted him and he pleaded for my relationship and my beau came back to me and my relationship was restored and now we will be getting married soon. Please get to know him and ask for his help on (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com). The love doctor is the best and will help you ��
In all this,I send to my ex something I see there
“Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing”
[…]robinso.buckler @ yahoo . com: Helped to bring My Ex-Husband back with his spiritual power […]
My ex and I broke up about two months ago. I got most of my things back from him one weeks ago, and we had “the talk”. According to him, he found someone better and went for it. He then proceeded to tell me that he’s moved on, and that I should too. I thought it was kinda funny because I have not given him any reaction since we’ve violated up, shown him how pathetic I am, talked to him only when necessary (we work together), but never about us. The thing is, that it’s clear out in the open that was with someone fresh, it confused me why he still stared at me. At very first, I thought it was only my imagination, until other co-workers actually commenced noticing it too. Is he staring at me so that he can feel better that he’s found the “better one”? i wondered. He was also cold towards me at work, which others noticed, I continued being my cheerful self at work from Day one after the breakup, so my friends seem to think that he was attempting to hurt me for not providing any reaction. I still loved him, and dreamed to get back together with him. I didn’t know this fresh gf did something to him to make him leave behind about me. I got to know after one of my co workers introduced me to Akim who mends cracked heart and relationships. Akim helped me break what the doll has done on my beau and he came back to me begging me to have him back. we are living together again. Akim’s contact email is prayerstosavemarriage@hotmail.com. Do well to contact him if you’re facing love issues… ��
I have been in a relationship for over two years with my bf all of a unexpected he said he wants a break up, we stopped being close because i got a job so we dont get to suspend out as much as we did b4 and he commenced dating another female i dont know her name but that was why he left me i attempted many ways to get him back but to no avail. A friend told me of a man called Dr harrison or Doctor as he is called he helped me with my issue i did not believe in stuff like that but now me and my bf are going strong, i just desired people to know of this wonderful man and his works. You can contact him at Harrisonwells989@outlook.com
Mods – it would be helpful if someone deleted the many spam comments on this thread. (Why is this thread getting hit with nonsense?)
How i restored my cracked relationships that later led to marriage,
Hello to the people of this forum< Am Shirly letton stoke from Texas and i can say that am the happiest person on earth since last week with what DR STONE has done for me , it all began last year October when my fiance left me in Texas and travel to see his parents in Ohio at very first him was still calling me and showcase love even when him was away , but it gets to a point when he no longer gives a shit about me , and i noticed it so when i attempted to confront him , he told me that he dose not love me anymore that he feel like being alone i was shocked and heartbroken when i attempted talking he will string up the phone on me. i was so heart violated and i was frustrated about this , but on a 2nd thought i was not persuade that he was on his right senses so i discuss this with my elder sister who lives in California and she directed me to DR STONE of transfer_access@yahoo.com telling that the man has helped her friend in such case before so i said to my self let me attempted i contacted this man and explain everything to him and behold DR STONE said to me what am to do and i did exactly what he and he said after three days my fiance will call me and once he calls me i should pick the calls and he gave some other instructions . so i said okay , but to my best surprise on the 7th of November my fiancee called me and began telling on the phone am sorry it was like a fantasy to me , with this i said i will tell the world of what DR STONE has don in my life , so if any one is out there and needs help in his or her relationship can also contact him today via
he restores cracked marriage.
he is also specialize in restoring barrenness and you will conceive.
he can also help you if you have problem in your work place.
his phone number is +2348033721991
ITS VERY NICE CONTEXT TO REFERRED. I SURELY DID AND FOUND IT VERY HELPFUL JUST NOT TO IMPRESS OUR EX BUT TO AVOID WHAT THAT MIGHT HURT THEM BACK LIKE POKING IN THE WOUND. THANKS FOR SUCH AN INTERESTING AND AMAZING ADVICE.
Texting Your Ex-Girlfriend in Five Effortless Steps, Autostraddle
Top Banner Ad for Desktop
This article was posted in The Scene
Article Banner Ad for Desktop
Sometimes you truly need to text your ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t matter how long it has been, how bad your break-up was or the number of years since you both agreed to never speak again. Sometimes you just need to. And if you’ve already made the (possibly inadvisable!) decision to do so, then at least you can do it in the least life-damaging way possible. So here are five super effortless steps to painlessly text your ex.
The very first and most significant step in texting your ex is to maybe not do it at all. Are you toasted? Are you sad? Do you just want attention? Are you attempting to make someone else jealous? Most importantly, is there someone else you can contact about this issue other than your ex? Maybe an old mutual friend?
YOU CAN OFTEN GOOGLE WHAT YOU WANT TO ASK YOUR EX
As you can see, Option Three provides the only option in which you do not end up sobbing softly. While there are many times you might want to text your ex, it’s infrequent that you truly need to. “That song we both like came on the radio” is not a good reason to text your ex. “I just eyed the Hangover two — recall that time we were draped over?” is not a good reason to text your ex. “Mrow” is not a good reason to text your ex. I’m not telling you shouldn’t text her for a valid, fair reasons — even a elementary congratulations is adequate when it’s due. Just avoid texting your ex for stupid reasons.
On the spin side, you may be in a situation in which you should indeed call. If your ex-girlfriend has recently lost a loved one it is much more suitable to call or send a condolence card than a tacky text message. Alternatively if you very gravely (and not because you’re tipsy/lonely/horny) want to get back together, those sort of steps are best initiated over the phone.
Also never text after 9:30pm because then she’ll think you’re inebriated even if you aren’t.
Step Two: Don’t Mention You’re Not Speaking
If you haven’t spoken to or texted you ex-girlfriend in months/years/decades it might feel weird to just commence telling words on your phone. Whatever you do, don’t lead with “I know we’re not speaking but…” This makes you sound petty and like you haven’t moved on. If you know you’re not speaking then why are you texting her?! (See Step 1.) A better idea is to commence with “Hey.” “Hey” is the official commence of any text to anyone who you don’t normally text. “Hey” makes you look nonchalant and cool like Fonzie.
EXCLAMATION POINTS HELP TOO
Still, particularly if your text is just a quick statement/congratulations, it might be best to forgo the “Hey” and just go for the awkward words from nowhere. In some ways this is even less awkward because it’s almost like you’re just totally normal acquaintance/friends who don’t even have to go through bizarre ex-girlfriend niceties.
Step Three: Get to the Point
You’re texting your ex for a very specific reason (ahem Step 1) so get on with it already. You should preferably make your point in the very first text message. This isn’t being rude, it’s just normal texting. If you hem and haw for too long your ex might get the wrong message and react accordingly. You don’t need to be rude or curt, just to the point. You’re a busy woman and I’m sure your ex is too so there’s no need to waste anyone’s time.
I NEED THE SLEEPING BAG FOR A-CAMP
Getting to the point leave no room for uncertainty or grey area and prevents you from getting sucked in to an awful long texting conversation.
Step Four: Avoid Relationship Talk
Whatever you do, don’t get sucked back in to your old relationship. Very first of all, don’t talk about your relationship. Not the good parts, not the bad parts, not even things you did together. For the love of G-d don’t talk about how your ex-girlfriend “always does this.” It is neither helpful towards beginning over with someone nor moving on.
2nd, don’t text like you are still in your relationship. Don’t use quirky old pet names or baby-talk text. Avoid emoticons at all cost. You are now two adults who are communicating via a message made up of text. No one needs to write out kitten noises.
Eventually, don’t mention your fresh relationship situation. Even if you would love nothing better than to announce to everyone you meet that you did indeed find someone who would karaoke “Love You Like a Love Song” with you, this is not the time. You would almost undoubtedly be mentioning your fresh female just to see your ex’s reaction and that’s not fair to anyone (including but not limited to your fresh gf). Similarly, don’t ask if she’s watching anyone. You very likely don’t want to know anyways and you can always ask her friends.
THERE ARE NO GOOD OPTIONS HERE. YOU Most likely SHOULDN’T Display YOUR FACE IN OHIO ANYMORE EITHER
Talking about old/fresh relationships takes all the tact you have inwards of you and texting liquidates all possible tact. Don’t get in to relationship talk, please don’t do it, I think it’s a bad idea, I’m warning you right now, indeed I have your back on this one. Don’t do it.
Step Five: Abandon While You’re Ahead
If you managed to get through texting your ex-girlfriend unscathed, then just stop. Did you congratulate her on graduating and she said “Thank you?” Okay, stop. Did she confirm that, yes, that was her old friend from circus camp you ran into? Okay, stop. Did she not react to your text message whatsoever? Okay, stop. You just have to stop texting before someone makes a idiot of themselves (especially you).
SOMETIMES THE BEST THING TO SAY IS NOTHING
I’m going to level with you: this is truly hard for me. This is hard for a lot of people! You get the ball rolling, you’re talking about yourselves and where you are now and then all of a unexpected you’re nosey if they want to get a drink and catch up. Disaster.
So recall: play it cool, keep it brief and maybe (just maybe) don’t do it at all.
Lizz is a consumer, paramour and writer of all things pop culture and the Style/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also utter time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.
Lizz has written two hundred seventy six articles for us.
You May Also Like.
Post navigation
Desktop
Mobile
one hundred twenty three Comments
This is possibly my favourite article of all time.
This is amazing. Not like I’d ever text my ex because my gf is smokin’ (she’s wise too), but still a very delightful article.
My life last night unluckily,
this article is well timed, or ill timed, eyeing as I didn’t have any kind of sense and texted her :/ I was due for a good sob anyway I guess.
Lizz, this is awemazing.
Also, if your ex has a common name, it’s a good idea to switch her name in your phone. Texting her instead of a friend with the same name can lead to some truly awkward situations. Not that I know from practice or anything.
This! Where were you after my last (very ugly) breakup when I texted my ex, whose name starts with the same letter as my best friend, pictures of the kitten my fresh gf got me?! Not to mention all the erupting about how amazing she is that went along with said kitten pics. Might I just say the response was less than civil. Truly could’ve used this bit of advice!
After a breakup (or fight when I’m still pissy), I just switch the name to “Nonononononononono” or “Don’t. Stop.” or “Don’t you dare” or something else to remind me that I certainly should not be texting this person. I block them on FB and talk until I feel like I can deal. It is helpful. I don’t like to lose my temper or have emotional scenes. I choose to be a robot. A hook-up robot.
Certainly this. I have a duo people labeled as “DO NOT PICK UP.” My phone gets a lot of wrong numbers thanks to being a similar number to the local SPCA, so I pick up if I don’t recognize the number itself so I can reroute people. I would never want that person to be a surprise ex, ew….
If it’s an ugly break up, I just delete her from my phone. My phone has a nasty habit of randomly resending old texts when it boots up. So I’ve texted exes without even sending a text. In general, I find just removing her from the phone solves a lot of problems.
Yea i support thats right to just delete her num from ur phone, bcuz if it stays there u may want to text or call her if u sees her name and num .
As someone who’s been on the other side of this situation, this is a excellent idea. No one wants to get flirty texts from an ex she’s not over when those texts are meant for someone else. It fukkin deep-throats.
So true! I wouldn’t call this one chick an ex gf but she’s kinda one and because of Tegan and Sara’s song Bad Idea I’ve switched her name to Bad Idea so I permanently remind myself not to text her when I’m buzzed or therefore seeking attention.
‘Avoiding Relationship Talk’ is the best advice ever. Went down that road with my ex the entire time since we broke up e.g X has a fresh album out, reminisce how much joy that concert was. We met up before I’d moved on to detect she had. So many lesbians I know are friends with their exes and it’s all good, glad to know I’m not the only one out there incapable of it
How did you know I was fighting the urge to text my ex? How, Autostraddle? Are you psychic?
this is relevant to my life
My ex once texted me: “You’ll never find anyone else like me again” My very first thought was I fucking hope not! I didn’t want you so why would I want anyone LIKE YOU? So yeah..nothing good can come of texting your ex..
Sounds awful. One of these sorts of things – http://xkcd.com/1042 ?
You just…get me…breathe (pulls out world map and traces the distance to Australia)
I feel that. My gf’s ex texted her “You’re still my weakness.” BITCH. STEP. OFF.
Me being the one to find that text because I was using her phone to check the weather that morning was bad news bears.
Once my ex texted me a photo of herself before a date and asked, “Is the tie too much?”
This is not a good thing to text your ex.
I would have been tempted to tell her to suspend herself with that tie. I am vindictive.
Liz you’re a genius. Thank you for the reminders on these very key abilities, homegirl.
This is the best and most significant advice ever written on autostraddle dot commmmmm
Fantastic examples! I would be so upset if someone threatened to have her mom burn my good sleeping bag.
Yes, all of this. I have no further feelings I can discuss without hitting something.
This is hilarious. Even as old and wise as I am (ha), I know I would make every texting mistake listed here.
This is my fresh bible.
Step four is especially relevant. Thanks for helping me navigate the murky waters!
Soooo…going to plays your ex stage manages, and inviting her to derby bouts…that’s cool, however, right?
i have cracked all of these rules. whoops
you and me both friend
i most likely have violated each one of these rules tonight as a matter of fact
some people never learn
this is relevant for me.
it would be relevant for me ex, too.
oops, typo. i swear i don’t usually talk like a pirate.
What’s the protocol for when your ex, whom you haven’t spoken to in months, feels the need to text you and let you know you will not be invited to her upcoming wedding–to a man? Umm, it would’ve been more awkward to actually get invited I think.
I’ll see your disregard and raise you a B L O C K that shit, son.
just to be clear, i shouldn’t text my ex a link to this article, right?
What if I send it to your ex and you send it to mine?
Umm, my thoughts exactly! Anyone want to do me a giant favor and send it to her? She needs these lessons.
I feel like if I was a grown up none of this would surprise me but I’m not so thank you o god of autostraddle
I can testify about not inebriated testing. Stone cold sober wasn’t any better.
Wow, super timely advice. I attempted to text my ex a few weeks ago, while buzzed. Turns out he switched his number, so that bullet was dodged.
So in this post, I’m the texter on the left, right?
“Mrow” is not a good reason to text your ex.
I have an ex listed in my phone as ” no buzzed dial!” for this very reason.
Christ, this was hilarious. Thank you for making my morning flawless!
I texted my ex two days ago after over a year of not speaking.
Liz is in my brain.
(I didn’t break any of your rules either!)
thanks to ASHRA spells, your spell worked within 48hours Just as you promised,my ex called me in the middle of the night pleading for me to forgive him, I am now reunited with the person I love. I am more satisfied than I’ve ever been as I can now look to an amazing future with thought I’d lost for good.
Todd, Derby England UK
Brilliant! Simply brilliant.
Hahaha so funny!
Thank you for saving my dignity. and my good sleeping bag.
I don’t have texting, and even however I feel like I’m in the stone age right now, this article was good. Texting is so complicated! I’ll stick to buzzed facebook messages.
don’t be insensitive, maybe she just has a jitterbug
I wish I could say I had a jitterbug, that thing looks like it could withstand a nuclear attack. You funny people, you make me giggle.
i think that would actually be the lacucaracha model
“Also never text after 9:30pm because then she’ll think you’re inebriated even if you aren’t.”
these are the truest and best words anyone has ever typed
Is there a text to make sure your ex is alive when she lives in the boonies and there are forest fires?
Send carrier pigeons…I’m guessing they know how to treat that sort of thing.
Unluckily I was serious… I looked up the forest fires online instead…. other side of her town… *breathe of ease* no need to text
one time i switched my ex’s name in my phone to ‘bad idea’. helped with the agh-i-need-to-text urges.
My friend did this for me! And then she told me she got the idea from something Tegan had said, and so to this day I still have a contact called BAD IDEA
asdfghjkl yes thank you.
This is my beloved article of all time. It’s funny cause it’s true. There have been so many times I have made this mistake in the past.
Lizzzzzzzzzz, I ALREADY TEXTED HER. D: Why did article not happen before her bday last week?! Now I’m in all kinds of awkward angst/confusion. =\
but what if you’re tipsy, lonely, and horny. what then
that’s what asschat is for.
this explains why i’ve been wake up confused, pants less, and still on cam
I’ll message you my number
Ahhh fine timing on this, especially the “abandon while you’re ahead” part
I violated Step two about ten minutes before I spotted this article.
I’ve never had to text an ex, but now I feel ready if I ever have to. I especially loved the sample conversations. Good article!
“You can often google what you want to text your ex”
(But google won’t tell me the reaction like she would. . .)
No sleeping bag is worth the next ten hours of shame drinks, subsequent shame hangover and inescapable shame-i-told-my-best-friend-and-now-I’m-crying-at-Starbucks-confession
Gratefully I haven’t cracked any of these rules, but now I despairingly want to text ‘Mrow’ to someone and see how they react.
I pretty much exclusively text in cat noises.
I LOVE SPECIFIC EXAMPLES THEY ENHANCE MY COMPREHENSION
My ex-gf texted me today asking if she could stay with me (at my parents house?) while in town next weekend.
I said HELL TO THE NO GURL (in more polite terms).
I wish I could send myself a congratulations text, that’s how proud I am.
ps I want to (somehow) embark using “I’ll have my mom burn your sleeping bag.”
lol ami you should have just said that and your ex would’ve been SO confused
but gravely – is that bitch high?
its been said, but. this is legitimately extra-important for my actual life.
Presently cracking pretty much all of these rules. Attempting to stay friends after she moved to another country was possibly not the smartest stir I’ve made. Unluckily, this communication is also happening on facebook, which opens a entire can of other worms, the fattest, grossest, most gut-wrenching-if-eaten being the fact that all previous messages are stored IN THE SAME FUCKING CONVERSATION. One unfortunate click, and it’s all there in front of you. This made me realize I’m an idiot. Goodnight.
I wish I could go back in time and send this to a few of my friends
My ex just sent me the link to this article.
NO EMOTICONS. I totally agree. I asked a elementary question to my ex once and put a smiley face at the end because I wished it to be light-hearted and nice sounding but NOOOOOOOO… the smiley face said WAY
more than I thought even possible.
“I thought since you put a smiley face in your text message that this meant we could open up our communication.”
NO WAY!! Damn emoticons.
I had to deal with an outpouring of trapped emotions and then got called a “bitch spinned up in chocolate and covered in a colorful candy glazed shell.”
Best insult ever… but the text got totally way off base from my original intention.
It is very interesting. I put a smiley face at the end of my e-mail message. He called the next day and we met after Two.Five years of no contact. He suggested to be friends. Nex time I e-mailed him and closed with “hugs”. He was suppose to call me six weeks ago..but has not… Any ideas? Was it too much? Now I am thinking what to do next.
Earnestly I can’t with AS sometimes, this was just too funny and real!
I reminisce an ex texted me a insatiable underwear pic of herself and was like, “miss this?” I thought she might have texted that pic to the wrong person (me) but no she knew my weakness for garter belts and hip high silk stockings. It was a trap a sexy sexy trap. A trap I fell into and feared I would never get back out.
I wish I had this article then but nooooo…..I suffered *more* three weeks of agony, confusion, processing overloads, and more confusion.
I learned to not date people who I am too sexually compatible with but fail dreadfully with everything else. Balance is key.
your ex know my weakness as well, can send that sexy trap to my phone?
Balance is key, but I haven’t ever had an ex who didn’t lack a flair for drama. Having ATT, I can’t block anyone to save my life. I’d love to have had sent this to my exes and myself at least a few times in my life. This is the most entertaining AS article yet that has hit close to home.
good boundaries make excellent exes. Awesome article!
Never ever ever text an ex! Like ever!
Was the article written SPECIFICALLY for me in the wake of a latest breakup? Bad decisions = adverted. Zero cracks in non-communication. Why yes, I will pat myself on the back.
Dilemma: Deleted ex’s # from the phone to avoid texting but you still recall her digits on top of your head. Dang! #veryme
hahahaha i still can’t stop laughing about the “ill have my mom burn your sleeping bag”
Ugh, I made that mistake a month ago! I wish I’d seen this article earlier but it undoubtedly gave me a good laugh hahha! Well done.
this never fails- “Error message 404: network temporarily unavailable”
Common sense, it’s never to late to embark practising it.
If I hadn’t blocked, deleted, overlooked & attempted to leave behind my ex, I’d SOOOOOO be sending this article to her. Can someone do it for me, puleeeeze.
There indeed is no good reason to text an ex. Unless you are good mates and there’s absolutely NOTHING in the way of feelings either way left..
This is so goddamn brilliant. The “weigh your options” demonstrations with the potential results had me in tears. Well done.
This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my paramour away from me and my spouse left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met a post where this man Dr Zara have helped someone and i determined to give him a attempt to help me bring my paramour back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my hubby and after 48hours as he have told me, i witnessed a car drove into the house and behold it was my spouse and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am glad to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your paramour back to your self. His email: truegiftspell@gmail.com
Oh, joy. Roll your -metaphorical- pouch ladies. Just… roll the ball. Pass it on. Someone might catch it, and roll it back. My two cents. xD
I have mixed feelings about texting exes. I generally attempt to avoid it, and if I have something I truly need to say to them I do it over Facebook. (I go on Facebook less often than I check my messages, and therefore it helps me not obsess over what they might react with.)
I think it helps too that for the most part I am friends with my exes, which makes communication lighter.
Interestingly, I’m not the ex who does the texting; that falls to the person I most recently ended it with.
This is so funny. And so spot-on.
Hi everyone i will never leave behind the help the Mother Esango Shrine render to me in my marital life. i have been married for four years now and my hubby and i love each other very dearly . after three years of our marriage my hubby abruptly switch he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was begging for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we begged but nothing happen. my hubby just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my hubby and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i eyed someone sharing her testimony on how the Mother Esango help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email of Mother Esango. I told her my problem and i was told to be quiet that i have come to the right place that i should pack some information concerning my self i did after some time she called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 13days. She told me what went wrong with my hubby and how it happen. that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their Shrine anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my spouse came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don’t you give Mother Esango a attempt she powewerful and kind. i know she will also bring back your spouse. i promise to keep sharing her good work any time i’m on the internet. when ever i come accros a forum like this, i always share the testimony. contact her via esangoshrine@gmail.com or visit her website http://www.esangoshrine.webs.com
My name is Ethan Camel from USA am thirty nine years old i got married at the age of twenty two i have only Two child and i was living gladfully .After six year of my marriage my hubby behavior became so strange and I don’t truly understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never fantasy’s of losing him, i attempt my possible best to make sure that my spouse get back to me but all to no avail, i sob and sob seeking for help, i discussed it with my best friend Linda and she promise to help me. She told me of a man called DR Shadow, she told me he is a very good man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love and Cancer issues he cannot solve and she told me how he has help uncountable numbers of people in restoring their relationship etc. I was truly coax, I quickly contacted his cell phone +2348166292265 or email address at drshadow31@gmail.com . I explain all my problem to him, he told me that I should not worry that all my problems will be fine and now am very glad I with my hubby and my family.
Hi, I and my ex bf broke up about seven weeks now. We’ve been together for four years. We had so many issues during in our relationship. We got engaged and eventually he switched his mind not to get married soon and told me he doesn’t want kids. It broke my heart. He also told me that culture differences is another problem inbetween us. When we broke up I beg many times. He told he doesn’t want to go back in to our relationship and he wants us to budge on. I stayed another two weeks with him while I am looking for a fresh place. we had hook-up a duo times. He told me he just want us stay as friends.
When I moved out, he didn’t txt or call but when we each other we are fine talking like a friend. Is there anyway that i can win him back? that was the question i asked my sister and she told me he have had an encouter with the famous love doctor and i contacted him and he begged for my relationship and my beau came back to me and my relationship was restored and now we will be getting married soon. Please get to know him and ask for his help on (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com). The love doctor is the best and will help you ��
In all this,I send to my ex something I see there
“Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing”
[…]robinso.buckler @ yahoo . com: Helped to bring My Ex-Husband back with his spiritual power […]
My ex and I broke up about two months ago. I got most of my things back from him one weeks ago, and we had “the talk”. According to him, he found someone better and went for it. He then proceeded to tell me that he’s moved on, and that I should too. I thought it was kinda funny because I have not given him any reaction since we’ve cracked up, shown him how pathetic I am, talked to him only when necessary (we work together), but never about us. The thing is, that it’s clear out in the open that was with someone fresh, it confused me why he still stared at me. At very first, I thought it was only my imagination, until other co-workers actually embarked noticing it too. Is he staring at me so that he can feel better that he’s found the “better one”? i wondered. He was also cold towards me at work, which others noticed, I continued being my cheerful self at work from Day one after the breakup, so my friends seem to think that he was attempting to hurt me for not providing any reaction. I still loved him, and dreamed to get back together with him. I didn’t know this fresh gf did something to him to make him leave behind about me. I got to know after one of my co workers introduced me to Akim who mends violated heart and relationships. Akim helped me break what the dame has done on my bf and he came back to me begging me to have him back. we are living together again. Akim’s contact email is prayerstosavemarriage@hotmail.com. Do well to contact him if you’re facing love issues… ��
I have been in a relationship for over two years with my bf all of a unexpected he said he wants a break up, we stopped being close because i got a job so we dont get to drape out as much as we did b4 and he began dating another dame i dont know her name but that was why he left me i attempted many ways to get him back but to no avail. A friend told me of a man called Dr harrison or Doctor as he is called he helped me with my issue i did not believe in stuff like that but now me and my bf are going strong, i just desired people to know of this wonderful man and his works. You can contact him at Harrisonwells989@outlook.com
Mods – it would be helpful if someone deleted the many spam comments on this thread. (Why is this thread getting hit with nonsense?)
How i restored my cracked relationships that later led to marriage,
Hello to the people of this forum< Am Shirly letton stoke from Texas and i can say that am the happiest person on earth since last week with what DR STONE has done for me , it all began last year October when my fiance left me in Texas and travel to see his parents in Ohio at very first him was still calling me and demonstrate love even when him was away , but it gets to a point when he no longer gives a shit about me , and i noticed it so when i attempted to confront him , he told me that he dose not love me anymore that he feel like being alone i was shocked and heartbroken when i attempted talking he will dangle the phone on me. i was so heart violated and i was frustrated about this , but on a 2nd thought i was not persuade that he was on his right senses so i discuss this with my elder sister who lives in California and she directed me to DR STONE of transfer_access@yahoo.com telling that the man has helped her friend in such case before so i said to my self let me attempted i contacted this man and explain everything to him and behold DR STONE said to me what am to do and i did exactly what he and he said after three days my fiance will call me and once he calls me i should pick the calls and he gave some other instructions . so i said okay , but to my best surprise on the 7th of November my fiancee called me and began telling on the phone am sorry it was like a wish to me , with this i said i will tell the world of what DR STONE has don in my life , so if any one is out there and needs help in his or her relationship can also contact him today via
he restores cracked marriage.
he is also specialize in restoring barrenness and you will conceive.
he can also help you if you have problem in your work place.
his phone number is +2348033721991
ITS VERY NICE CONTEXT TO REFERRED. I SURELY DID AND FOUND IT VERY HELPFUL JUST NOT TO IMPRESS OUR EX BUT TO AVOID WHAT THAT MIGHT HURT THEM BACK LIKE POKING IN THE WOUND. THANKS FOR SUCH AN INTERESTING AND AMAZING ADVICE.