Should You Just TRUST Her?
Trust, trust and trust again! I got bored of how many times I have seen this word thrown around the internet anytime people attempt to give advice on how to sustain a long distance relationship.
I DO AGREE that trust is a key element in a long distance relationship and that it can make or break a relationship, but let’s be clear on one thing – long distance dating is NOT just about trust, just like it’s not just about love or communication, long distance dating requires much more than that.
Trust is overestimated and too vague.
What does trust truly mean? Why is it significant in a relationship? And how do we sustain it?
What trust means is that there is a strong feeling of security that your fucking partner will have integrity. She won’t cheat, won’t lie, she’ll keep her word and she’ll do that no matter what happens.
But let me tell you one thing:
Long distance relationships are a lot of work, even with trust.
What about temptation?
What about naivety?
What about circumstances?
What about emotional states that make us want to do something wrong at times?
All of these factors make trust an element that is very hard to sustain in a relationship. Temptation tends to be very hard to fight back. Naivety is effortless to be taken advantage of by other people. Circumstances may very often lead to undesired deeds. And Negative Emotional States like jealousy, anger, contempt and guilt may very well lead to devastating behaviors like cheating, lounging, flaking, disrespecting and so on.
These four elements are the usual barriers that make trust a supple element in a relationship; even however we want to trust our playmate we shouldn’t totally rely on its existence and firmness.
So, don’t simply rely on trust. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And we humans… we are humans, we’re not robots. This means that trust is something limber that can alternate in different circumstances and not something set in stone or programmed in a robot.
Trust is good, but blind trust is far from superb. And being fully trusting with your fucking partner is what makes trust blind.
Would you trust a thirsty dog, not eating a nice smelling chunk of meat from the table? Well, that would be blind trust too.
So, we want to trust our girlfriends, but at the same take that healthy amount of precaution, which will save you from a lot of ache and trouble, believe me.
How To Strengthen Your Trust In Her?
What you want to be doing in order to sustain trust and make it a core element of your relationship is to help her avoid the following four barriers: Temptations, Naivety, Circumstance and Negative Emotional States so that the “flexibility” of trust doesn’t manifest itself into real deeds.
How would you do that?
1. Prevent Naivety. One of the things I do to prevent naivety is to let my gf know that what guys want from a chick, no matter how “innocent” they attempt to show up, is hook-up. So if a boy from a club offers to drive her home, he’s not doing that because he wants to be polite and friendly, he does it because he wants to get in her pants. Therefore knowing that most man’s ultimate purpose is to get her into bed, she should avoid all potential deeds that can lead to hookup. (talking with them on intimate subjects, accepting drinks, providing away her phone number, frequently talking on Facebook and so on)
To put this metaphorically: Don’t be so naive to think that if you smoke a few cigarettes you won’t get addicted. Same here, a lady should not be so naive to think that if she talks with a boy on Facebook frequently, it won’t lead to more than talking, because she’ll be taken away by the moment and wake up one day in that guys bed thinking “What the hell did I do. ”
Two. Avoid Circumstances. Clubbing is a place total of temptation, and also a place that creates the right circumstances for your gf to “break your trust” by hooking up with someone else. So, the idea is not to forbid her to go to clubs, but to woo her to go clubbing less frequently and have some “clubbing rules” that you’ve previously agreed up on, which would help her avoid temptation as much as possible.
But avoiding ‘dangerous circumstances’ is not just about clubbing, it involves all potential places and situations that could tempt her too much, situations like going out for a drink with a “man friend”, jogging, having a tour with a boy friend and so on.
To put this metaphorically again: If you don’t want to smoke, don’t string up out with smokers to places where people smoke.
Three. Minimize Temptations. One superb thing to minimize temptations is to have both of your relationship statuses on Facebook set as “In a relationship with one another”, so that people know she’s in a serious relationship. As a result, guys won’t hit on her that much and she won’t be so tempted to cheat because she’ll be worried that someone from her social circle might expose her to you. Another thing in terms of minimizing temptation is not accepting masculine friend requests, as they could tempt her then to talk, then to meet, and the to cheat.
To use the same smoking example: If you don’t want to smoke, then don’t buy cigarettes and keep them in your house (or in your jacket pocket).
Four. Treat Negative Emotional States. What I mean by that is not letting jealousy, fights and arguments evolve or last for longer than it’s necessary. I recommend that you solve any of your arguments on the spot and never postpone them for another time leaving her angry and upset for a longer time than necessary.
Would you be more likely to smoke if you were quiet and collected or if you just got angry and pissed off at someone? If you’re a smoker than you know the response. ��
The idea here is to prevent these four barriers, in this order, so that they don’t affect the trust that you’ve built in the relationship. Otherwise, naivety may lead to making steps towards unfavorable circumstances; specific circumstances may lead to a greater temptation, and negative emotional states may serve as a catalyst for her to capitulate to temptation and a make a big mistake that would ruin the trust in your relationship, and possibly the relationship too.
So, should you trust her? Yes you should, but you shouldn’t downright rely on trust because you might get burned, instead you can do everything that’s in your power to INSPIRE her to be faithful to you. And make her WANT to be yours and only yours.