Parents & Teachers:

Tips & Advice for Talking to Teenagers About Hookup

A growing national coalition of organizations has worked to promote family communication about sexiness through helpful publications and vital community programs for the past twenty five years. To learn what may be available in your community, contact Planned Parenthood of America or any of the agencies on the national coalition.

Overview

Even with the support of these outer resources, it is significant to reminisce: parents are the most significant sexiness educators for their children. Talking about sexiness with your children can be a challenge. Sometimes parents are fearful about telling too much, too soon (albeit there’s no evidence that this should be a concern). Some parents feel they don’t know enough to be a reliable source of accurate information. Additionally, when teenagers feel awkward coming to their parents or guardians regarding difficult issues, such as hook-up, they often turn to their friends and/or the media in order to build up information.

Quick Facts

• Parents are the most significant sexiness educators for their children.
• No parent needs to be an experienced on sexiness to have meaningful conversations with their children – parents can share their values about sexiness, relationships, and respect for others.
• Some parents believe that talking about lovemaking will lead to teenagers having hookup. In fact, research shows that teenagers who have talked with their parents about hook-up are more likely to post-pone hookup and use birth control when they do begin.
• Teenagers that have high self-esteem are more likely to make responsible decisions about hookup.
• Teenagers often believe that all of their friends are having hookup. This belief puts pressure on teenagers (especially boys) to have hook-up.
• Every three hundred fifty teenagers contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD).
• The United States of America has one of the highest birth rates among developing countries.
• Teenagers often overestimate the percentage of their peers that are sexually experienced.

Topics to Talk About

The following is a list of significant topics relating to lovemaking and sexiness. Albeit your teenage may have some concept of these topics due to the media, school, friends, etc. it is significant to discuss these topics with your teenage 1-on-1. Chances are, your teenage could be severely misinformed regarding these issues – you cannot assume that your teenage is already well educated regarding any of these issues.

• Masculine & Female Reproductive Systems
• Sexual Intercourse
• Pregnancy
• Abstinence/Postponing Hookup
• Ways to Demonstrate Affection Without Having Lovemaking
• Birth Control
• Safer Lovemaking
• Sexual Orientation (Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, etc.)
• HIV/AIDS and other STDs
• Emotional Consequences of Lovemaking – rape (such as date rape, gray rape, etc.), sexual attack, sexual manhandle, etc.
• [Relating to the last topic] Identifying a Healthy & Safe Hookup Life (how to avoid or recognize sexual manhandle, etc.)
• How Alcohol and Other Drugs Affect Decisions

How to talk without alienating your Teenage

Oftentimes, your teenage may seem unapproachable or enormously awkward when talking to you about private issues such as lovemaking and sexiness. Here is a list of advice you may want to consider that can help prevent estranging your teenage in the process:

Before you speak with your child about sexiness, think about what your values are. What do you believe? What does your faith tradition say? It is significant to give your children factual information – and to be very specific about how your beliefs either agree with or differ from science.

Sometimes, factual information can challenge a private belief or what a faith community believes. This can provide an chance to make sure that your child both has accurate information and hears what your values are relating to it. It also provides an chance to explain that there are different beliefs in the community, that people are permitted to disagree with each other, and that differing views should be respected – as long as those views are based on ethics, responsibility, justice, equality, and nonviolence.

Youthful people often find it confusing when parents talk about a value regarding sexiness and then act in a way that does not support that value. Some common values about sexiness and relationships that most people support include honesty, equality, responsibility, and respect for differences. Acting on your values and being a good role model are powerful messages for your children. On the other arm, your beliefs will not seem very significant or valuable to your children if they don’t see you respect and abide by them yourself.

Have a conversation with your children – don’t talk at them. Find out what they think and how they feel about sexiness and relationships. Then you will be able to share information and react to questions in ways that will resonate with the belief system they are developing for themselves.

All children deserve to be dreamed and loved, and parents can reinforce this message. Let them know you are interested in what they think and how they feel about any topic, whether it is sexiness, school, religion, the future, or whatever. When your children share feelings with you, praise them for it. Correct misinformation gently, and reinforce your values whenever possible.

Too often, parents think they need to wait until they collect enough information and energy to be ready to have "THE TALK" with their children. However, sexiness is a part of every person’s life from the moment he or she is born. It is significant, therefore, to embark the conversation early, and to make it clear to your children that you are always willing to talk about sexiness – whenever questions come up for them, or when a "teachable moment" occurs.

Sexiness, in most of its aspects, can be a joyful topic for discussion in the family. Recall to keep your sense of humor across conversations with your child – the conversation doesn’t have to be tense and awkward unless you make it that way.

Things to Recall and Other Tips

Here is an extra list of some significant things to recall across your interactions with your teenage regarding the topic of hook-up. This list includes some extra tips and advice not covered in the previous sections.

1. Teenagers need accurate information and decision-making abilities to help protect them from: the pressure to have hook-up, unintended pregnancy, and contracting sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV/AIDS.
2. If talking with your teenage about lovemaking is difficult for you, admit it.
3. Don’t make the conversation tense; keep your sense of humor.
4. Use the media (example: TV, movies, magazines, and articles) as well as real-life situations (example: a friend’s pregnancy) to begin talking about hook-up.
5. Share your values regarding lovemaking, but accept that your teenage may choose to have lovemaking despite these values.
6. Asking questions about lovemaking does not automatically mean that your teenage is thinking about having hook-up. Don’t make assumptions.
7. Ask your teenage what they want to know about hookup. If you don’t know the reaction, admit it. Find the answers together.
8. Talk with your teenage about reasons to wait to have hookup. Remind your teenage that they can choose to wait (abstain) even if they have had hook-up before.
9. Reassure your teenage that not everyone is having hook-up, and that it is okay to be a cherry. The decision to become sexually active is too significant to be based on what other people think or do.
10. Talk with your teenage about ways to treat pressure from others to have hook-up.
11. To feel comfy talking openly with you, your teenage needs to know that you will not penalize him or her for being fair.
12. Leave age-appropriate articles or books about teenage sexiness around your home. Teenagers will pick them up on their own to read them (See the Extra Resources Section).
13. Your very first talk with your teenage regarding hookup should not be your last! Talk with your teenage about lovemaking on an ongoing basis. Let your teenage know that you are always open and willing to talk about any questions or concerns they may have about hookup.

Extra Resources

Below are links PAMF accessed when researching this topic. PAMF does not sponsor or endorse any of these sites, nor does PAMF ensure the accuracy of the information contained on them.

• Extra Resources
• About Sexiness & Religion
• From Planned Parenthood

Last reviewed: August 2013

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