nick notas
Conquer Confidence
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How to Have Sexual Conversations with Women
“My friend and I just made a bet and we want you to lodge it. Who do you think masturbates more — dudes or women?”
I’d just read some pick-up advice that told me to treatment chicks in bars with that question. And I was positive I was going to get spanked that night.
They stared back in disbelief and laughed nervously. One of the chicks scoffed, “Are you serious right now? Why are you even asking us that?”
I was mortified. I felt ashamed. I stumbled over my words attempting to explain myself, “Umm..I’m not attempting to be weird. I’m sorry if it came off like that.”
They told me how it was weird and they weren’t going to response a question like that. I apologized and walked away back to my friend.
I figured I must be doing something wrong. So I attempted again with another group, and then another. I kept getting the same negative reactions.
After downing a drink (or two), I determined to attempt again with another group. They originally gave me the same attitude, but this time the liquid courage gave me a comeback.
With a tipsy smirk I shot back, “Oh please, we’re all adults here. We all do it, it’s not a big deal.”
As I awaited the fury of three women, I was astonished to hear them laughing and sharing their opinions. They even began debating each other and attempting to argue their viewpoints playfully to me.
After a duo of minutes, we were all introducing ourselves and hitting it off like old friends.
Why did women abruptly react with enthusiasm rather than distaste?
Embracing your sexiness so she can embrace hers
Whether it’s friends, family, religion, or media — many of us were raised to think that voicing our sexual interest (flirting) was wrong. This manifests in us as sexual shame.
This is especially true for many women who are afraid of being seen as “slutty” or too forward. Because of this, women often won’t signal their interest very first. And they won’t talk about anything sexual until you do.
In the above story, I ultimately embraced my sexiness and made the topic of lovemaking out to be joy and no big deal. Because of that, the women felt more comfy and certain about embracing their own sexiness.
Deep down however, women want and desire hook-up with the right person, just like studs. Sexual closeness is at the core of our psychological needs.
But to consider having hookup with you, a woman has to think about hook-up — especially with you. She can only do that if you demonstrate her that sexual conversations aren’t shameful. Your attitude has to convey that they’re a healthy part of building a romantic connection.
I’m not expecting you walk up to random women with questions women like that. That was just me in my stupid “pickup artist” days. In fact, I’ve found that while that treatment can work, you usually get a much stronger response and connection if you wait until later in the conversation.
Fly into the Danger Zone
So how do you treatment the topic of hookup tastefully? Well, let me get this out of the way very first…
Stop waiting for permission to budge into intimate topics. Very few women are going to lead it there or say “You can ask me about lovemaking now!”
Now if you’re naturally discussing a related topic like The fifty Shades of Grey movie, past relationships / hookups / dates, online dating, or very first smooches — then take that chance to stir into more intimate topics. But you can’t always rely on getting “gimmes” like that.
There isn’t a ideal moment or time. You have to take a chance and lead into these sexual subjects.
Instead, assume if you’ve been talking to a woman for a minimum of 15-30 minutes (at a bar or on a date), it’s safe to attempt leading into more enticing conversation.
- “Let me ask you something personal…”
- “Okay, so now that we’ve got the petite talk out of the way, I want to get to know the real you…”
- “So, tell me the truth…”
- “Tell me something joy about yourself…”
From there, you can instantly roll into your sexual question to open up a discussion.
Getting to the good stuff
Of course, you don’t want to embark with something enormously intimate. That will come off as intense and discourage a woman from opening up.
Instead, embark with lighter questions. If she’s discussing them with you, you can stir towards stronger ones.
(Examples go from lighter to stronger)
- “What do you find most attractive about a man?”
- “When was your very first smooch?”
- “What was your very first smooch like?”
- “What do you think you look sexiest in?”
- “How do you flirt with a dude when you want to demonstrate him you’re interested?”
- “Have you ever made the very first budge with a boy? What was it?”
- “How significant is a sultry sexual connection to you in a relationship?”
- “Do you consider yourself a sexual person?”
- “When was the very first time you had hook-up?”
- “Would you ever sleep with someone on a very first date if the connection was strong enough?”
- “Where’s the craziest place you’ve ever had hookup?”
- “What’s the greatest thing a man can do during hookup?”
- “What’s your dearest position?”
- “What’s one thing you’ve always dreamed to do in bed with a dude but haven’t?”
- “What’s something that secretly turns you on?”
Helping her overcome that sexual shame
Reminisce that these subjects often trigger feelings of shame and defensiveness.
Sometimes, you will be met with hesitation and surprise when asking a woman a more intimate question. She may challenge you and put you on the spot about why you’re asking about this sensitive subject.
The absolute worst things you can do are apologize or attempt to explain why you didn’t mean to be “weird”. All you’re going to do is reinforce that this subject is shameful and wrong.
Instead, you want her to feel this is something natural, normal, and Joy to talk about. You do that by responding with confidence, positivity, and even playfulness.
Here are three ways make a woman feel more comfy if she’s hesitating to response a sexual question.
Own your question. You ask, “Do you consider yourself a sexual person?” She responds, “Did you truly just ask that?” You can say, “Of course I did…(smirk)”.
Or maybe she says, “Why are you asking that?” You can say, “Because I think a strong sense of sexiness is healthy. Also, it’s joy to talk about.”
Encourage her to open up. You ask, “How significant is a sultry sexual connection to you in a relationship?” She responds, “Why do you want to know?” You can say, “I’m genuinely interested because it’s significant to me. Promise I won’t judge.”
Or if she hesitates, you can say, “No pressure, I’m just excited to learn more about you.”
Encourage her by opening up very first. You ask, “What do you find most attractive about a man?” If she seems jumpy, you can say, “Personally, I find ambition in a woman to be a truly sexy quality.”
Or you ask, “What was your very first smooch like?” She responds, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” You can say, “Yes, yes I would. Mine was horrible…I recall being so jumpy that when I very first went in to smooch her, I shoulder checked her instead. I’d like to think I’m a lot better now.”
If you treat her hesitance well, she will usually open up about her sexiness. If you attempted one of the above examples and she’s still awkward answering your question, then I wouldn’t broach the subject further during this interaction.
Once you’ve gotten into an intimate conversation, you can progressively mix in stronger sexual questions with non-sexual questions. You don’t have to talk about lovemaking endlessly unless she seems truly excited to. A duo of questions is often all you need to turn things from friendly to romantic.
You aren’t going to magically fall into bed with a woman. You need to bring your conversations toward more intimate topics as an interaction progresses. That’s how she’s going to get turned on and see you as a sexual prospect.
Ultimately, if you’ve been talking about hookup with a dame, she’s most likely ready to be kissed. Seize that chance!