"Help! My Bf and I Have Only Had Hookup Once In the Past Year!"
Sometimes he comes. Sometimes you come. Sometimes you both come. Sometimes he wears a Batman garment and your purr like a wild Catwoman. And then sometimes neither of you do anything for a long, long…..long time. This letter came to me from an unfortunate commenter who has had lovemaking with her bf ONCE this year.
*Dear Single John, *
*My fiance and I have been together for five and a half years. The problem is. WE NEVER HAVE Lovemaking. Earnestly, we've had hookup once this year. It was five minutes (I timed it) of mediocrity. This has been ongoing for harshly two years. When we do have hookup, it is over and done with before I can even get a quarter of the way there. I've attempted suggesting he talk to his doctor. I've begged. I've pleaded. He says he's just tired all the time. I know my assets switched after I had our daughter Three.Five years ago, so maybe he just isn't attracted to me anymore? Can you please give me some advice here? He's a superb dude and a fantastic father, but I didn't sign up to become a nun!
— Asking For Laying*This being a little out of Single John's ken, I went to and pro, namely Barry McCarthy , author of Rekindling Desire , Suffering Desire , and other books about lovemaking and marriage. He's also Professor of Psychology at American University, a certified marital and hookup therapist, and recipient of the two thousand nine Wise Marriages Influence Award.
Dr. McCarthy says:
"This is a much more frequent problem than people know. The most common time a duo stops being sexual is two years into their relationship. In essence, they don't make the transition from the romantic love/sultry lovemaking phase to developing a duo sexual style that works in their ongoing relationship. Contrary to 'pop psych,' it is typically the man's decision, conveyed non-verbally.
My main suggestion is to consult a couples therapist with a sub-specialty in sexiness. However, if you want to attempt to address this on your own, you need to talk about the role of affectionate touch, voluptuous touch, playful touch, erotic touch, and intercourse touch in your relationship. When it's 'intercourse or nothing,' nothing usually wins. The prime bridge to sexual desire is non-demand touching."
Talking to a professional, together, sounds like a good idea to me. As does some erotic touching, not just for you, for everyone. Those of us outside of committed relationships leave behind that lovemaking isn't an "all or nothing" proposition as well. ____
Have you ever had a playmate become disinterested in hook-up? What did you do about it?
Have a question about Dating, Relationships, or Lovemaking for Single John? Submit it here . Can be totally Anonymous!
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